Drove Jokes / Recent Jokes
On her way home from a long trip, a blonde drove past a sign that said "CLEAN RESTROOMS 8 MILES." By the time she drove eight miles, she had cleaned 43 restrooms.
[To the tune of "American Pie"] A long, long, time ago I can still remember when I dialed up their help desk lines. And I knew if I had the chance They could make my modem dance with chats and GIFs and silly pick-up lines. But Help Desk phone calls made me shiver with every busy they'd deliver. Bad news on the front page A 19-hour outrage. I can't remember if I cried when I realized that Steve Case had lied. But something touched me deep inside The day the service died. So bye bye to Amer'ca Online Drove my modem to a domain and it's working just fine. And good old geeks are cheering users offline Saying this'll be the day that they die. This'll be the day that they die. Did you write the book of TOS Will you send your password to PWD-BOSS If an IM tells you so. And will you believe the Motley Fool When he tells you that the service rules And can you teach me how to Web real slow? Well I know you sold the service short Cause I saw your quarterly report. Steve Case sold off more...
An out-of-towner drove his car into a ditch in a desolated area. Luckily, a local farmer came to help with his big strong horse named Buddy. He hitched Buddy up to the car and yelled, "Pull, Nellie, pull!" Buddy didn't move. Then the farmer hollered, "Pull, Buster, pull!" Buddy didn't respond. Once more the farmer commanded, "Pull, Coco, pull!" Nothing. Then the farmer nonchalantly said, "Pull, Buddy, pull!" And the horse easily dragged the car out of the ditch. The motorist was most appreciative and very curious. He asked the farmer why he called his horse by the wrong name three times. "Well... Buddy is blind and if he thought he was the only one pulling, he wouldn't even try!"
Jack absolutely hated his wife's cat, so he decided to get rid of him. He put the cat in the car, drove about twenty or so blocks from his home, and left the cat at the park.
When he returned home and was about to enter his driveway, there was the cat sitting in the middle of it.
The following day, he tried again. He put the cat in the car and, this time, drove about forty blocks from home and left the cat there.
As he was driving back into his driveway, there was the cat!
Each day he would try again, taking the cat farther and farther away, but the darn cat would always beat him home.
Finally, he put the cat in the car and decided to drive several miles away, turned right, then left, went over the bridge, left again, then another left, then a right and so on until he reached what he thought was a safe distance from home and left the cat there.
Several hours later, Jack called his wife. "Hi, honey, is the cat there?"
"Yes," his wife more...
1) Coming home, I drove into the wrong house and collided with a tree I don't have.
2) The other car collided with mine without giving warning of its intentions.
3) I thought my window was down, but I found out it was up when I put my hand through it.
4) I collided with a stationary truck coming the other way.
5) A truck backed through my windshield into my wife's face.
6) A pedestrian hit me and went under my car.
7) I had been learning to drive with power steering. I turned the wheel to what I thought was enough and found myself in a different direction going the other way.
8) I pulled away from the side of the road, glanced at my mother-in-law and headed over the embankment.
9) In my attempt to kill a fly, I drove into a telephone pole.
10) I had been shopping for plants all day and was on my way home. As I reached an intersection, a hedge sprang up, obscuring my vision.
11) I had been driving for 40 years when I fell asleep at the wheel and more...
An off-duty police officer, familiar with radar guns, drove through a school zone within the legal speed limit when the flash of a camera went off, taking a picture of his license plate.
The officer, thinking the radar was in error, drove by again; even more slowly. Another flash. He did it again for a third time, at an even slower speed. Same result.
"This guy must have screwed up the settings," the off-duty officer thought.
A few weeks later, when he received the violations in the mail, he discovered three traffic tickets: each for not wearing a seat belt!