Drowned Jokes / Recent Jokes

[San Jose Mercury News]An unidentified man, using a shotgun like a club to break a former girlfriend's windshield, accidentally shot himself to death when the gun discharged, blowing a hole in his gut.Ken Charles Barger, 47, accidentally shot himself to death in December in Newton, N. C., when, awakening to the sound of a ringing telephone beside his bed, he reached for the phone but grabbed instead a Smith & Wesson . 38 Special, which discharged when he drew it to his ear.A terrible diet and room with no ventilation are being blamed for the death of a man who was killed by his own gas. There was no mark on his body but autopsy showed large amounts of methane gas in his system.His diet had consisted primarily of beans and cabbage (and a couple of other things). It was just the right combination of foods. It appears that the man died in his sleep from breathing from the poisonous cloud that was hanging over his bed. Had he been outside or had his windows been opened, it wouldn't have more...

[San Jose Mercury News]An unidentified man, using a shotgun like a club to break a former girlfriend's windshield, accidentally shot himself to death when the gun discharged, blowing a hole in his gut. Ken Charles Barger, 47, accidentally shot himself to death in December in Newton, N. C., when, awakening to the sound of a ringing telephone beside his bed, he reached for the phone but grabbed instead a Smith & Wesson. 38 Special, which discharged when he drew it to his ear. A terrible diet and room with no ventilation are being blamed for the death of a man who was killed by his own gas. There was no mark on his body but autopsy showed large amounts of methane gas in his system. His diet had consisted primarily of beans and cabbage (and a couple of other things). It was just the right combination of foods. It appears that the man died in his sleep from breathing from the poisonous cloud that was hanging over his bed. Had he been outside or had his windows been opened, it wouldn't have more...

Dear Bobby Ray,
I'm writing this letter slow, because I know you can't read fast.
We don't live where we did when you left home. Your Dad read in the newspaper that most accidents happen within 20 miles from your home, so we moved.
I won't be able to send you the address because the last family that lived here took the house numbers when they moved so that they wouldn't have to change their address.
This place is really nice. It even has a washing machine. I'm not sure it works so well though, last week I put a load in and pulled the chain and haven't seen them since.
The weather isn't bad here. It only rained twice last week, the first time for four days, and the second time for six days.
About that coat you wanted me to send you, your Uncle Stanley said it would be too heavy to send in the mail with the buttons on, so we cut them off and put them in the pockets.
Tom locked his keys in the car yesterday. We were really worried because it took him two hours more...

Brenda O'Malley is home making dinner as usual, when Tim Finnegan arrives at her door.
"Brenda, may I come in?" he asks. "I've some thin' to tell ya."
"Of course you can come in. You're always welcome, Tim. But where's me husband?"
"That's what I'm here to be telling ya, Brenda. There was an accident at the Guinness brewery."
" Oh, God, no!" cries Brenda. "Please don't tell me."
"I must, Brenda. Your husband Seamus is dead and gone. I'm sorry."
Finally, she looked up at Tim. "How did it happen, Tim?"
"It was terrible, Brenda. He fell into a vat of Guinness Stout and drowned."
"Oh my dear Jesus! But you must tell me true, Tim. Did he at least go quickly?"
"Well, Brenda, no. In fact, he got out three times to pee."

Once a programmer drowned in the sea. Many Marines where at that time on the beach, but the programmer was shouting "F1 F1" and nobody understood it.

A mom writing her Aggie son:
Dear son,
I'm writing this slow 'cause I know you can't read fast. We don't live where
we did when you left. Your dad read in the paper that most accidents happen
within twenty miles of the home so we moved. Our new place has a washing
machine. The first day I put four shirts in it, I pulled the chain and haven't
seen them since. It only rained twice this week. Three days the first time and
four days the second time. The coat you wanted me to send to you your aunt Sue
said it would be a little heavy to send in the mail with them big heavy buttons
so we cut them off and put them in the pockets. We got a bill from the funeral
home; said IF WE DIDN'T MAKE THE LAST PAYMENT ON GRANDMA'S FUNERAL BILL UP SHE
COMES !!! Your uncle John fell in the whiskey vat. Some men tried to pull him
out but he fought them off playfully and he drowned. We cremated him, he burned
for three days. Three of your friends went off more...

Once upon a time, there were three mad men and they had to cross a river which was 100 km long. There was no island in
Between and they had to swim and pass it. So the first man started. He swam 25km, got tired and drowned. Then the secnd man
Went, swam for 50 km, got tired and drowned. then the last man tried, he swm for 50 km and thought," i don't want to die. so i
Will go back home." so he went back 50 km.