Ducks Jokes / Recent Jokes

A ducks walks into a bar and asks, "Got any grapes?" The bartender, confused, tells the ducks that no, his bar doesn't serve grapes. The duck thanks him and leaves. The next day, the duck returns and says, "Got any grapes?" Again, the bartender tells him that, no, the bar does not serve grapes, has never served grapes, and, furthermore, will never serve grapes. The duck, a little ruffled, thanks him and leaves. The next day, the duck returns, but before he can say anything, the bartender begins to yell: ''Listen, duck! This is a bar! We do not serve grapes! If you ever ask for grapes again, I will nail your stupid duck beak to the bar!'' The duck is silent for a moment, and then asks, ''Got any nails?'' Confused, the bartenders says no. ''Good!'' says the duck. ''Got any grapes?''

A ducks walks into a bar and asks, "Got any grapes?"
The bartender, confused, tells the ducks that no, his bar doesn't serve grapes. The duck thanks him and leaves.
The next day, the duck returns and says, "Got any grapes?"
Again, the bartender tells him that, no, the bar does not serve grapes, has never served grapes, and, furthermore, will never serve grapes. The duck, a little ruffled, thanks him and leaves.
The next day, the duck returns, but before he can say anything, the bartender begins to yell: "Listen, duck! This is a bar! We do not serve grapes! If you ever ask for grapes again, I will nail your stupid duck beak to the bar!"
The duck is silent for a moment, and then asks, ''Got any nails?''
Confused, the bartenders says no.
"Good!" says the duck. "Got any grapes?"

Guy walks into a bar, sits down next to another guy and immediately notices the guy has a very large Bic cigarette lighter.

The first guy says "Wow, cool lighter... where did you get it?"

"A genie from a bottle granted me one wish."

"Great, can I try it?"

"Sure."

First guy rubs the bottle and the genie appears. "You are granted one wish says the genie."

The guy says, "I want a million bucks!"

"Done" says the genie and disappears.

A few minutes go by and suddenly the bar door swings open and in come pouring in ducks. Thousands and thousands of ducks falling all over each other through the bar door.

"I can't believe this," says the guy who had just placed his wish, "I asked for a million bucks, not a million ducks!"

The second guy then says, "Do you really think I wished for a 12" more...

One day a man went hunting for ducks. When he was done he was going to his Chevy and he got a vist from The Game Warden.

The Warden said "Hey Sir, what ya huntin?"
The man said "Ducks."

The Warden said "Did ya have any luck?"
He said "Got 3."

The Warden said "Let Me see them." The Warden stuck his finger up the ducks butt, smelled it and said "This duck is from Ohio, do you have a stamp for it?"
The Man gave him the stamp.

The Warden picked up the 2nd duck did the same thing and said "Kentuky duck, got a stamp?"
The man gave him the stamp.

The Warden did the same thing with the last duck and said "Canada duck. Stamp?"
The man gave him the stamp.

Then the Warden said "Where you from anyway?"
The man pulled down his pants and said "You're the expert, you tell me!"

Three guys die together in an accident and go to heaven.
When they get there, St. Peter says, "We only have one rule here in heaven... don't step on the ducks."
So, they enter heaven, and sure enough, there are ducks all over the place.
It is almost impossible not to step on a duck, and although they try their best to avoid them, the first guy accidentally steps on one. Along comes St. Peter with the ugliest woman he ever saw.
St. Peter chains them together and says, "Your punishment for stepping on a duck is to spend eternity chained to this ugly woman!"
The next day, the second guy steps accidentally on a duck, and along comes St. Peter, who doesn't miss a thing, and with him is another extremely ugly woman. He chains them together with the same admonishment as for the first guy.
The third guy has observed all this and not wanting to be chained for all eternity to an ugly woman, is very, VERY careful where he steps.
He manages to go more...

Two friends were in a bar drinking a beer when one pulled out a cigar but he didn't have a lighter so he asked his friend if he had one.."I sure do," he replied and reached into his pocket and pulled out a 10 inch Bic lighter."Wow!" said his friend, "where did you get that monster.""I got it from my genie.""You have a genie?" he asked."Yes, he's right here in my pocket.""Could I see him?"He reaches into his pocket and pulls out a very small genie.The friend says, "I'm a good friend of your master. Will you grant me one wish?""Yes I will," the genie said so he asks him for a million bucks and the genie hops back into his master's pocket and leaves the man standing there waiting for his million bucks.About this time, a duck walks into the bar followed by another. Then more ducks come pouring in. Before long the entire bar has ducks everywhere. The friend tells his buddy, "What is going on more...

What do you call a minor bird accident?
A feather bender.
Why did the duck go ring-ring?
He got a phone bill.
What did the little bird say to the big bird?
Peck on someone your own size.
What do you call a formal dance for ducks?
A fowl ball.
What kind of ducks rob banks?
Safe quackers.
Why was the duck unhappy?
His bill was in the mail.
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Why did the pigeon need to get out?
He was cooped up at home all week.
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Which bird does construction work?
The crane!
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Which birds work underground?
Myna (miner) birds.
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What kind of doctor treats a duck?
A quack doctor!
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What kind of weather excites a pet duck?
Fowl weather, of course!
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What holiday is strictly observed by all birds?
Feather's Day!
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Where can birds play professional baseball?
In the mynah leagues!
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How can you tell a miser more...