Ducks Jokes / Recent Jokes

An old man in Mississippi is sitting on his front porch watching the sun rise. He sees the neighbor's kid walk by carrying something big under his arm.

"Hey boy, whatcha got there?"

"Roll of chicken wire."

"What you gonna do with that?"

"Gonna catch some chickens."

"You damn fool! You can't catch chickens with chicken wire!"

The boy just laughs and keeps walking. That evening at sunset, the boy comes walking by, dragging behind him the chicken wire with about 30 chickens caught in it.

The next morning, the old man is out watching the sun rise and he sees the boy walk by carrying something in his hand. "Hey boy, whatcha got there?"

"Roll of duct tape."

"What you gonna do with that?"

"Gonna catch me some ducks."

"You damn fool! You can't catch ducks with duct more...

A group of doctors go duck hunting for the first time. The family practitioner looks thru the site, aims, & says, "Well, I think there is something out there, but I better get another opinion."

The internist takes the rifle, looks, & says, "I see something that is flying, but I'm not sure what it is. I better make a referral."

The neurologist takes the rifle, looks, & says, "Hmmmm, It may be ducks, but to be sure, I better get some tests."

The psychiatrist then looks thru the rifle & says, "Vell, zay look like ducks, zay act like ducks, but I don't know if zay zink zay are ducks. I zink I better get a consult."

The surgeon picks up the rifle, points & fires all over the sky. "Blam, blam, blam, blam, blam!"

All sorts of things fall from the sky & land at his feet. The surgeon points to them & says to the pathologist, "Make sure they're ducks!"

Joe and Obie went hunting every year on opening day of duck season. This year, they decided to borrow a neighbor's retriever, a dog named Buck, so they wouldn't have to wade out after any birds that fell into the lake when they shot them.

They had good luck that day and bagged several plump ducks. Whenever a duck fell into the water, either Joe or Obie would send Buck out after it. And each time the dog went after a downed duck, he would pause momentarily at the water's edge. Then Buck would trot calmly across the surface of the lake to retrieve the bird.

This unusual performance always caused Joe and Obie to glance wide-eyed at each other and shake their heads in wonder.

At the end of the day, Joe and Obie drove back by way of the neighbor's home to return Buck and thank the retriever's owner for the loan.

"Did the dog do a good job?" asked its owner.

"Yes," said Joe, "he brought in all the ducks that more...

A fellow wanted to learn how to duck hunt but could not find anybody who would take him out to learn how so he st a rted to hunt by himself. He felt frusterated after five day's hunting without getting the first feather much less a shot.So he goes back to the boat launch to go home and see's a fellow coming in with the front of his boat full of ducks and thinks to himself damn I think i'll go over and ask him if he needs a hand and maybe i'll learn a secret or two, So he say's to the hunter with a bag over his head Sir can I help you with loadind up your boat and the man with the bag on his head said sure. So did you have any luck today? The new hunter said he hadn't shot at a duck in five days and the man said do you want me to take you out so you can get your limit? the new hunter said sure I'd love to maybe you can teach me a thing or two, on the way out the hunter ask why the man still had the bag on his head and he said i'll show you in a minute. They threw out some decoys and more...

A farmer, upset with his low yield of eggs, decided to go to town to buy a fresh rooster who could liven things up a bit with his hens. The man at the supply store told him he wished he could help, but all he had was this incredible randy rooster.

"But that's just what I need!" the farmer said. The store owner said, "Not this rooster, he's trouble. I've never seen anything so horny." But the farmer insisted and eventually took the rooster home on the condition that he wouldn't ever return it.

Once home, the rooster jumped into the hen house and nailed every hen repeatedly until they were all exhausted and nearly dead. Undaunted, the rooster hopped the fence and got in with the ducks, repeating the scene with the hens and wiping out all the ducks. He then leaped another fence and proceeding to nail all the geese.

This continued for three days until all the farm birds that were left alive lay gasping. The farmer found the rooster more...

One day, a guy walks into a bar and he pulls a little 8 inch guy and a little piano out of his pocket and the little guy starts to play. Everyone looked at him and was just so amazed by this. One guy walks over to the other guy and asks him where he got that little man and the piano. He replies, "Well, out there, is a genie and he grants you but one wish." So, immediately after the guy heard that, he ran out to the genie. He walks back into the bar with all these ducks everywhere. The guy with the man and piano asks, "Where'd all those ducks come from?" The other says, "Well, I asked the genie for a million bucks, but he gave me a million ducks." The first guy says, "Oh, I guess I should have warned you that the genie is hard of hearing. You don't actually think I asked for a 8 inch pianist, do you?"

Three ducks arrive at the Police station. In deciding why they’re here, a police officer goes up to the first duck and says ”What’s your name?? ” The duck replies ”Quack”. The police officer then asks ”And why are you here? ? ” The duck says ”For blowing bubbles in the pond. ” ”Blowing bubbles in the pond!! That’s illegal!! That’s a $50. 00 fine!! ” The duck agrees to pay the fine.
The police officer goes up to the second duck and says ”What’s your name?? ” The duck replies ”Quack Quack”. The police officer then asks ”And why are you here?? ” The duck says ”For blowing bubbles in the pond. ” ”Blowing bubbles in the pond!! That’s illegal!! That’s a $50. 00 fine!! ” The duck agrees to pay the fine.
The police officer goes up to the third duck and says ”And your name must be Quack Quack Quack. ” And the duck replies ”No, it’s Bubbles. ”