Dust Jokes / Recent Jokes

A lady was a huge Paul MCCartney fan and wanted a tattoo of him on the inside of her thigh. She went to the parlour and told the guy what she wanted.
He says: "OK, take your skirt and underwear off and sit in the chair with your legs apart".
She did that and he started on the tattoo. Pretty soon he's done, blows off the dust and admires his work.
"Who the heck's that?" she says. "It's Paul McCartney", he replies.
"Doesn't look like him at all" says she. "Now get it right or I'll report you".
So the tattooist starts on the other thigh. Really trying hard to do a better job. Finally he's done, blows off the dust and feels pretty good.
The woman is pissed off "No way that's Paul Mccartney" she says. "It bloody well is" says the man. "Listen I'll get a second opinion"
He goes out of his store and grabs the first person he sees. The guy is a drunk who's been stumbling along the more...

A lady was a huge Paul MCCartney fan and wanted a tattoo of him on the inside of her thigh. She went to the parlour and told the guy what she wanted.
He says: "OK, take your skirt and underwear off and sit in the chair with your legs apart".
She did that and he started on the tattoo. Pretty soon he's done, blows off the dust and admires his work.
"Who the heck's that?" she says.
"It's Paul McCartney", he replies.
"Doesn't look like him at all" says she. "Now get it right or I'll report you".
So the tattooist starts on the other thigh. Really trying hard to do a better job. Finally he's done, blows off the dust and feels pretty good.
The woman is pissed off "No way that's Paul Mccartney" she says.
"It bloody well is" says the man. "Listen I'll get a second opinion"
He goes out of his store and grabs the first person he sees. The guy is a drunk who's been stumbling along more...

A lady was a huge Paul MCCartney fan and wanted a tattoo of him on the inside of her thigh. She went to the parlour and told the guy what she wanted.He says: "OK, take your skirt and underwear off and sit in the chair with your legs apart".She did that and he started on the tattoo. Pretty soon he's done, blows off the dust and admires his work."Who the heck's that?" she says."It's Paul McCartney", he replies."Doesn't look like him at all" says she. "Now get it right or I'll report you".So the tattooist starts on the other thigh. Really trying hard to do a better job. Finally he's done, blows off the dust and feels pretty good.The woman is pissed off "No way that's Paul Mccartney" she says."It bloody well is" says the man. "Listen I'll get a second opinion"He goes out of his store and grabs the first person he sees. The guy is a drunk who's been stumbling along the sidewalk. The tattooist drags the drunk more...

In the summer desert heat, what did a dust devil say to the over-talkative dust devil? -You are really blowing a lot of hot air

A little boy had just got home from Sunday School and mom was cooking lunch. "Mommy, is it true that before you're born you're just dust and after you die you go back to being dust?"
"That's right son, why?"
"Well that's just what they said at church today."
"Run up stairs and wash your hands son, lunch will be ready in a few minutes."
About 10 minutes went by and she called out for him to come down. "I'll be there in a minute." As they were about to sit down at the table, the little boy asked again about being dust before being born and after you die.
Once again mother said yes son.
The little boy looked at her and said, "then you better get up to my room pretty quick, because something under my bed is either coming or going!!"

Without question, the greatest invention in the history of
mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a
fine invention, but the wheel does not go nearly as well
with pizza. -Dave Barry
Be wary of strong drink. It can make you shoot at tax collectors, and miss.
-Lazarus Long, 'Time Enough For Love'
Apparently a new galaxy is being formed or something. But
what it is, is they have discovered a huge cloud of dust
out there. And scientists believe if they could look and
see under the dust, they would find an enormous exercise
bicycle. -Bill Maher
I went on a diet but I had to go on two diets at the same
time because one wasn't giving me enough food. -Barry Marter
The most remarkable thing about my mother is that for 30
years she served the family nothing but leftovers. The
original meal has never been found. -Calvin Trillin
My doctor told me to stop having intimate dinners for four.
Unless there are three more...

Montreal Gazette's Top 50 Jokes from the 1999 Just For Laughs festival. -----------------------------------------------------------------1. (On going to war over religion:) You're basically killing each other to see who's got the better imaginary friend. 2. I used to smoke pot until I came to the conclusion... what was that conclusion, anyway? 3. (On the difference between men and women:) On the one hand, we'll never experience childbirth. On the other hand, we can open all our own jars. 4. Women like posh hotels; there's more for them to steal. Take them to a posh hotel and they all turn into the Artful Dodger. 5. And God said, "Let there be Satan, so people don't blame everything on me. And let there be lawyers, so people don't blame everything onSatan." 6. What are the three words guaranteed to humiliate men everywhere? "Hold my purse." 7. The Web brings people together because no matter what kind of a twisted sexual mutant you happen to be, you're got millions more...