Dust Jokes / Recent Jokes
So wives and significant others get a break! Barbecues are not allowed! Rolaids are!
SIGNS FOUND IN KITCHENS
Kitchen closed - this chick has had it!
Martha Stewart doesn't live here!
I'm creative; you can't expect me to be neat too!
So this isn't Home Sweet Home... Adjust!
Ring Bell for Maid Service... If no answer do it yourself!
I clean house every other day... Today is the other day!
If you write in the dust, please don't date it!
I would cook dinner but I can't find the can opener!
My house was clean last week, too bad you missed it!
A clean kitchen is the sign of a wasted life.
COOK CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE!
I came, I saw, I decided to order take out.
If you don't like my standards of cooking... lower your standards.
You may touch the dust in this house... but please don't write in it!
Apology... Although you'll find our house a mess, Come in, sit down, converse. It doesn't always look like this: Some days it's even more...
After church, Johnny tells his parents he has to go and talk to the minister right away. They agree and the pastor greets the family. “Pastor, ” Johnny says, “I heard you say today that our bodies came from the dust. ” “That’s right, Johnny, I did. ” “And I heard you say that when we die, our bodies go back to dust. ” “Yes, I’m glad you were listening. Why do you ask? ” “Well you better come over to our house right away and look under my bed ’cause there’s someone either comin’ or goin’! ”
The following paper is taken from The Journal of Irreproducible Results, Volume 25
Number 4/1979. P. O. Box 234 Chicago Heights, Illinois 60411
1. INTRODUCTION
Worldwide controversy has been generated recently from several court decisions in the United
States which have restricted popular magazines from printing articles which describe how to make
an atomic bomb. The reason usually given by the courts is that national security would be
compromised if such information were generally available. But, since it is commonly known that
all of the information is publicly available in most major metropolitan libraries, obviously the
court's officially stated position is covering up a more important factor; namely, that such
atomic devices would prove too difficult for the average citizen to construct. The United States
courts cannot afford to insult the vast majorities by insinuating that they do not have the
intelligence of a cabbage, and more...
14)' 'Baby Got Clap''
13)' 'Top o' The Morn to You Too, Officer''
12)' 'Let Us Reflect Calmly on Our Differences and Avoid Conflict at All Costs'' by Grand ChessMaster Irving
11)' 'NHL!!! (It's where it's at!)''
10)' 'Actually, Maybe I'm Not All That Great, and My Sexual Prowess is Average at Best''
9)' 'My New Minivan is Phat, Yo!''
8) Anything by' 'Ol' Dirty Bacarach''
7)' 'I'll Gladly Turn Down the Volume if it's Bothering You''
6)' 'I Feel Good When My Ho Comes First''
5)' ''G' is for Gangsta, and for GAY!''
4)' 'Okay, So You Touched It. Betcha Can't Touch THIS...''
3)' 'Dust, Dust, Bunnies''
2)' 'Gimme Sum Dat Madeline Albright Boo-tay!''
1)' 'Smack My Bitch Up! But Then Apologize Because It Wasn't The Ho's Fault Cuz I Wuz Really Projectin' My Feelings For My Whack Boss Onto Her And That Ain't Cool, G!''
When people get behind the wheel of a car, their true personality comes out. In California, the Department of Motor Vehicles knows this. Anyone can get a drivers license in California, I mean ANYONE! But to get a license to drive in Los Angeles, California, one must get a special endorsement on their license. Would you qualify for that special endorsement? Take this test, total your score and see.1: Which part of your car wears out most often?
a: the wiper blades
b: the belts
c: the horn2: Automatic door locks are good for...
a: security
b: convenience
c: messing with the heads of people trying to get in3: I hate the rain because...
a: it lowers visibility and makes for less safe conditions
b: I answered (a) to question #1
c: I just washed my car4: Please select the statement that best describes you.
a: I have never written in the dust on someone's car
b: I have written "wash me" in the dust on someone's car
c: I more...
For those of you who have ever felt you may be technologically challenged, take heart. The following incidents may do the trick in restoring your self-confidence:
* A woman called AST customer support complaining that her mouse was difficult to control with the dust cover on. The 'dust cover' turned out to be the plastic the mouse was packaged in.
* AST asked another customer to send them a copy of his defective diskettes. A few days later, a letter from the customer arrived, together with photocopies of the floppies.
* Compaq tech support received a call from a woman saying her brand new computer wouldn't work. She had unpacked the unit, plugged it in and sat there for 15 minutes waiting for something to happen. When asked what happened when she pressed the power switch, her reply was, "What power switch?"
* An aggravated woman called Dell complaining that she wasn't able to get her new Dell computer to turn on. After ensuring the computer was plugged in, more...