Dust Jokes / Recent Jokes
Ashes to ashes,dust to dust.If it wasn`t for Fords,our tools would rust.
If you do not know what you’re doing, do it neatly.
If you do not like the answer, you shouldn’t have asked the question.
If you do not make dust, you eat dust.
If you do not say it, they can’t repeat it.
If you do not understand it, it must be intuitively obvious.
If you explain so clearly that no one can possibly misunderstand, someone will.
If you file it, you’ll know where it is but never need it. If you don’t file it, you’ll need it but never know where it is.
If you have always done it that way, it is probably wrong.
If you have got them by the testicles, their hearts and minds will follow.
If you have nothing to do, don’t do it here.
You're getting company in 30 minutes. Your house is a mess.
WHAT WILL YOU DO?
SECRET TIP 1: DOOR LOCKS
If a room clearly can't be whipped into shape in 30 days--much less 30 minutes--employ the Locked Door Method of cleaning. Tell anyone who tries to go in the room that the door is intentionally locked. CAUTION: It is not advisable to use this tip for the bathroom.
Time: 2 seconds
SECRET TIP 2: DUCT TAPE
No home should be without an ample supply. Not only is it handy for plumbing repairs, but it's a great way to hem drapes, tablecloths, clothes, just about anything. No muss, no fuss.
Time: 2-3 minutes
SECRET TIP 3: OVENS
If you think ovens are just for baking, think again. Ovens represent at least 9 cubic feet of hidden storage space, which means they're a great place to shove dirty dishes, dirty clothes, or just about anything you want to get out of sight when company's coming.
Time: 2 minutes
SECRET more...
Several years ago, and this story is true, I was riding "shot gun" with a friend on a Road Train.(For our foreign readers - a road Train is a Prime Mover with up to 5 Trailers and they are regularly used for transporting goods and livestock in outback Australia).
We were moving cattle from a cattle station near the Alice up to Katherine and onto Darwin. Nothing special until we were flagged down by a couple of indigenous Australians who had run out of petrol about 250 just outside of Katherine. We pulled up and went back to see what the problem was and they pleaded up to tow them into town(Katherine) we laughed and said that they were crazy to want our truck to tow an old rust bucket of a Ford 250 KM on a dirt road.
Anyway they managed to convince Pete and they produced a large chain and Pete said that the chain would rip the front off the car, because a chain has no give in it and so Pete came up with a tow rope that they could use. They eagerly pushed more...
It was decided by Microsoft during a brilliant brainstorming session that military service would improve the skills and discipline of their finest technician. So off to boot camp he went.
At the rifle range, he was given some instruction, a rifle, and bullets.
He fired several shots at the target. The report came from the target area that all attempts had completely missed the target.
The Microsoft tech looked at his rifle and then at the target again.
"Hmmm.," he thought, "I'll get to the bottom of this in no time."
He looked at the rifle again, and then at the target again. He pointed his still loaded rifle at the ground in front of him and fired. A cloud of dust kicked up, and a little dimple was left there in the dust.
"Yep, it's working," he concluded.
The technician yelled out to the others at the target end, "The rifle is in working order, and the bullet seems to be more...
A little boy came downstairs crying late one night. "Whats wrong?" asked his mother. "Do people really come from dust, like they said in church?" he sobbed. "In a way they do," said his mother. "And when they die so they turn back to dust?" "Yes, they do." The little boy began to cry again. "Well, under my bed theres someone either coming or going."