Dust Jokes / Recent Jokes
You're getting company in 30 minutes. Your house is a mess. WHAT WILL YOU DO?
SECRET TIP 1: DOOR LOCKS If a room clearly can't be whipped into shape in 30 days--much less 30 minutes--employ the Locked Door Method of cleaning. Tell anyone who tries to go in the room that the door is intentionally locked. CAUTION: It is not advisable to use this tip for the bathroom. Time: 2 seconds
SECRET TIP 2: DUCT TAPE No home should be without an ample supply. Not only is it handy for plumbing repairs, but it's a great way to hem drapes, tablecloths, clothes, just about anything. No muss, no fuss. Time: 2-3 minutes
SECRET TIP 3: OVENS If you think ovens are just for baking, think again. Ovens represent at least 9 cubic feet of hidden storage space, which means they're a great place to shove dirty dishes, dirty clothes, or just about anything you want to get out of sight when company's coming. Time: 2 minutes
SECRET TIP 4: CLOTHES DRYERS Like Secret Tip 3, except bigger. CAUTION: more...
After the Sunday church service, little Timmy told his parents that he needed to go and talk to the minister right away. Seeing that he appeared troubled about something, they agreed and led him to where the minister was standing outside the door of the church.
"Father," said little Timmy, "I heard you mention that our bodies came from dust."
"That's correct, Timmy," answered the minister.
"Then I heard you say that when we die, our bodies go back to dust."
"I see you were listening Timmy. Yes, that's right. Why do you ask?" the minister said.
"Boy, you better come over to our house right away and look under my bed, 'cause someone's either coming or going!" Timmy replied.
AIRPLANE: What Mom impersonates to get a 1-yr. - old to eat strained beets. ALIEN: What Mom would suspect had invaded her house if she spotted a child-sized creature cleaning up after itself. APPLE: Nutritious lunchtime dessert which children will trade for cupcakes. BABY: 1. Dad, when he gets a cold. 2. Mom's youngest child, even if he's 42. BATHROOM: A room used by the entire family, believed by all except Mom to be self-cleaning. BECAUSE: Mom's reason for having kids do things which can't be explained logically. BED & BREAKFAST: Two things the kids will never make for themselves. CARPET: Expensive floor covering used to catch spills and clean mud off shoes. CARPOOL: Complicated system of transportation where Mom always winds up going the furthest with the biggest bunch of kids who have had the most sugar. COOK: 1. Act of preparing food for consumption. 2. Mom's other name. COUCH POTATO: What Mom finds on the sofa during Dallas Cowboy games. DATE: Infrequent outings with Dad where more...
"The gene pool could use a little chlorine." "All generalizations are false." "Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine." "Time is what keeps everything from happening at once." "I love cats... they taste just like chicken""Out of my mind. Back in five minutes." "Seen on an old, beat-up car: "This is not an abandoned vehicle." "Forget the Joneses, I keep up with the Simpsons." "Born Free.. . . . Taxed to Death""Cover me. I'm changing lanes." "As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in public schools""Happiness is a belt-fed weapon""The more people I meet, the more I like my dog." "Laugh alone and the world thinks you're an idiot." "Conserve toilet paper, use both sides." "REHAB is for quitters""I get enough exercise just pushing my luck!""Sometimes I wake up grumpy; Other times I let her more...
The Roadrunner was feeling very amorous one day, and since there were no other female roadrunners around, he decided to look around.
He happened to spot a lovely dove. Bzzzzzz… down he goes and feathers are flying, lots of dust in the air and the dazed dove is lying there with a smile and says, “I’m a dove and I’ve been loved! ”
The Roadrunner is still not satisfied. He spots a Lark flying around and zooms down on her. Again, feathers are flying around and dust is in the air and the dazed Lark is lying there and said, “I’m a Lark and I’ve been sparked”
The Roadrunner is still not satisfied and spots a Duck. He zooms down and again feathers are flying and a lot of squawkings and dust flying in the air, and the roadrunner takes off.
The Duck is lying there really pissed off, and says “I’m a Drake and there’s been a mistake! ”
A cowboy is out riding the range when he suddenly gets ambushed by a group of Indians. They take him back to their village where he goes before the Chief. The Chief looks at him and says, "You, white man, will die at sundown, but Chief is not as evil as white man, so you gettum three wishes. What is your first wish?"
Looking around, the cowboy gives it some deep thought, then says, "Can I talk to my horse, O' Great Chief?"
The Chief is puzzled by the request but says, "Sure, white man, talk to your horse."
The cowboy goes to his horse, whispers in its ear and the horse gallops off in a cloud of dust. The Indians sit around and laugh at the cowboy for wasting his wish but, all of a sudden, the horse returns with a brunette riding upon its back. The Indians look amazed. The Chief grins and points to a secluded teepee. Embarrassed, the cowboy takes the brunette into the teepee.
An hour later, he comes out and says to the Chief, "Can I more...