Dutch Jokes / Recent Jokes
- Gallic Wars: Lost. In a war whose ending foreshadows the next 2000 years of French history, France is conquered by of all things, an Italian. - Hundred Years' War: Mostly lost, saved at last by female schizophrenic who inadvertently creates The First Rule of French Warfare; "France's armies are victorious only when not led by a Frenchman." - Italian Wars: Lost. France becomes the first and only country to ever lose two wars when fighting Italians. - Wars of religion: France goes 0-5-4 against the Huguenots - Thirty Years War: France is technically not a participant, but manages to get invaded anyway. Claims a tie on the basis that eventually the other participants started ignoring her. - War of Devolution: Tied. Frenchmen take to wearing red flowerpots as chapeaux. - The Dutch War: Tied - War of the Augsburg League/King William's War/French and Indian War: Lost, but claimed as a tie. Three ties in a row induces deluded Frogophiles the world over to label the period as the more...
Two dumb blondes were driving through the middle of Kansas where there was nothing around for miles but wheatfields. One blonde says, "Look over there!" There was another blonde wearing scuba gear and acting like she was swimming through the wheat. The other blonde says, "Look over there!" where there was still another blonde in a boat. The blonde driving said, "It's people like that that give us blondes a bad name." The other blonde said, "Yeah! And if I knew how to swim I'd go out there and beat the crap out of them!" Blonde
Dutch girls on bikes "Two Dutch girls are riding their old rickety bikes down the back streets of Amsterdam one late afternoon. As it turns closer towards dusk, the increasing darkness of the streets starts making the two girls a little nervous when one girl leans over to the other and says, "You know, I've never come this way before."
The other girl says, "It's the cobblestones."
One night, God spoke to a preacher to tell him what he wanted him to do. After God had briefed him on his mission, the minister decided to ask him a question."God," he said, "What is heaven like?" God replied, "Well, normally I dont tell people this, but since you are my servant, I guess I can tell you. Heaven will be like a city. It will have the best of everything. For example, the French will be the chefs; the Italians will be the lovers; the English will be the policeman; the Germans will be the mechanics; and the Dutch will be the politicians!" The man looked pleased. "What is hell like?" he asked."Well," he said with a sigh, "the French will be the mechanics; the Italians will be the politicians; the English will be the chefs; the Germans will be the policemen; and the Dutch will be the lovers."
Why do the Dutch people have two names for their country, Holland and the Netherlands, and neither one includes the word Dutch?