Easier Jokes / Recent Jokes

Two hunters were dragging their dead deer back to their car. Another hunter approached pulling his along too.
"Hey, I don't want to tell you how to do something... but I can tell you that it's much easier if you drag the deer in the other direction. Then the antlers won't dig into the ground."
After the third hunter left, the two decided to try it.
A little while later one hunter said to the other, "You know, that guy was right. This is a lot easier!"
"Yeah, but we're getting farther from the truck," the other added.

How to Answer

It is Saturday, a crisp spring afternoon, and you're exactly where you should be: stretched out on the couch in front of a televised sporting event. Opening beer number two, relaxed in the knowledge that the pizza you ordered is even now on its way. Nothing could improve this moment, except maybe a bigger television. Suddenly your girlfriend enters the room and says,

'DO I LOOK FAT?'

There is no answer to this question that won't be interpreted' yes'.

'No' means yes.' Yes' means yes.' I don't know' means yes.' It doesn't matter' means yes. The briefest hint of a pause before speaking means yes, yes, yes.

Most of us would rather take our degrees again than field this one, yet it may well come up several times a week. Your only real choice is to say no, clearly and immediately, leaving no possibility for any subtext, and making it sound like a widely acknowledged fact and not simply your opinion. This doesn't work, but more...

Top 15 Good Things About a Cold Winter...
The melodious clanging Anna Nicole Smith's breasts make when she walks.
BATF calls off its siege of your heavily fortified compound when agents run out of hot cocoa.
Much easier to locate nipples during foreplay.
Finally, a chance to say, "Yeah, but it's a dry cold."
Natural refrigeration keeps vagrants crisp and fresh until Spring.
You can chill your malt liquor on the window ledge at work.
Joy of frostbite makes it easier to rid your self of those troublesome extremities.
No news clips of the President jogging for at least 8 more weeks.
Watching O.J. enviously eye everyone else's toasty-warm glove-clad hands.
Flashers stick to describing themselves.
Spouse temporarily stops using back seat of car for elicit affairs.
When it's 10 below, nobody gives a rat's ass whether Internet Explorer is better than Netscape.
With multiple layers, people with buns of steel look exactly like more...

Top 15 Good Things About a Cold Winter...The melodious clanging Anna Nicole Smith's breasts make when she walks.BATF calls off its siege of your heavily fortified compound when agents run out of hot cocoa.Much easier to locate nipples during foreplay.Finally, a chance to say, "Yeah, but it's a dry cold."Natural refrigeration keeps vagrants crisp and fresh until Spring.You can chill your malt liquor on the window ledge at work.Joy of frostbite makes it easier to rid your self of those troublesome extremities.No news clips of the President jogging for at least 8 more weeks.Watching O.J. enviously eye everyone else's toasty-warm glove-clad hands.Flashers stick to describing themselves.Spouse temporarily stops using back seat of car for elicit affairs.When it's 10 below, nobody gives a rat's ass whether Internet Explorer is better than Netscape.With multiple layers, people with buns of steel look exactly like people with buns of cinnamon.The shivering just makes your Katherine more...

It does not matter if you fall down as long as you pick up something from the floor while you get up.
It doesn't matter whether you win or lose, until you lose.
It is a dog-eat-dog world out there and I'm wearing Milk Bone underwear.
It is a poor workman who blames his tools.
It is better to be part of the idle rich class than be part of the idle poor class.
It is better to remain silent and thought a fool than it is to speak and remove all doubt. Moral: think before you speak. Or engage the brain when engaging the mouth.
It is easier to get forgiveness than it is to get permission.
It is easier to take it apart than to put it back together.
It is important to keep an open mind, but not so open that your brains fall out.
It is impossible to build a foolproof system, because fools are so ingenious.
It just doesn't get any Beta than this.

Breaking up would be a lot easier. A smack to the ass and a "Nice hustle, you`ll get`em next time" would pretty much do it.
Birth control would come in ale or lager.
Valentine`s Day would be moved to February 29th so it would only occur in leap years.
On Groundhog Day, if you saw your shadow, you`d get the day off to go drinking. Mother`s Day too.
St. Patrick`s Day, however, would remain exactly the same. But it would be celebrated every month.
Garbage would take itself out.
Regis and Kathie Lee would be chained to a cement mixer and pushed off the Golden Gate Bridge for the most lucrative pay-per-view event in world history.
The only show opposite "Monday Night Football" would be "Monday Night Football from a Different Camera Angle".
Instead of "beer-belly", you`d get "beer-biceps".
Tanks would be far easier to rent.
Two words..."Ally McNaked".
When a cop gave you a more...

It's easier to spray weed killer on your lawn than mow it.