Elf Jokes / Recent Jokes

What do elves learn in school?
The elfabet.
Who is the most famous singing elf?
Elf Vis.
What is the most favorite elf pet?
An Elflephant?
What do elves do when a fellow elf falls down?
They elf em up.
Why was Santa's little helper depressed?
He had low Elf esteem.
What do you call an elf that likes to swim?
An elfin.
What do you call a stingy elf.
Elfish
How do elves get up into the workshop attic?
The Elflevator.
How do you describe an elf who refuses to take a bath?
Elfully smelly.
What do you call an elf who teaches english?
A subordinate Claus

Santa "The Claw" Claus looked down the table at the other mafia bosses. All the families were represented. Gambino, Genovisse, Corleone, Luciano, even the Sinatras put in an appearance. Santa motioned for one of the black-suited elves to hand him the paper he was holding.
"This is how's it going to be, see," said Santa, "Mrs. Claus and me are sick of youse guys moving in on our turf." He read from the paper, "Gambino: Naughty. Genovisse: Naughty. Corleone: Naughty. Luciano: Naughty. Frank Sinatra: Nice, the rest of the Sinatras: Naughty."
"He made the list and checked it twice," intoned the elf.


"Youse naughty punks are going to get the hell out of Dodge," said Santa, "Me and Frank are runnings things now."
"You can't do this," shouted Don Corleone, leaping from his seat, "My boys'll murderize ya!"
"I don't think so," said the elf, "Hope you more...

HOW THE AMERICANS WITH DISABILITIES ACT STOLE CHRISTMAS
by Paul Edwards
' Twas a while before Christmas when Santa Claus said,
"Now the ADA's passed, I've a pain in my head.
It used to be easy to hire the elves
Who made all the toys and who stocked all the shelves.
Then the time came when the Congress did say
That I had to be careful about who I pay.
So I went and got Rudolph to pilot my sleigh.
He was racially different, so that was okay.
I used to hire men elves but that had to stop.
I had to let women elves into the shop.
Then Buddhists and Muslims and Croats and Jews
Became part of the mix from which I had to choose.
And just when it seemed I had got used to all
Then the ADA passed and it changed every call.
Before I was forced to hire folks from all nations
But now I am told to make accommodations!
Who understands all that the new law demands?
You must hire consultants! Put more...

Elf: My favourite film is about the man who casts spells in the middle of a swamp. Father Christmas: Thats called The Wizard of Ooze!

Why did the elf push his bed into the fireplace?
He wanted to sleep like a log