Email Jokes / Recent Jokes

Virtual breasts
First there were email smilies and now there are email breasts
For those men out there - Feast your eyes upon these beauties.
For those women out there - be thankful you dont suffer from grandma breasts!!!
(o)(o) perfect breasts
( + )( + ) fake silicone breasts
(*)(*) high nipple breasts
(@)(@) big nipple breasts
oo a cups
{ O }{ O } d cups
(oYo) wonder bra breasts
( ^ )( ^ ) cold breasts
(o)(O) lopsided breasts
Q.Q. pierced breasts
(p)(p) hanging tassels breasts
(:o)(o) bitten by a vampire breasts
o/ o/ grandma's breasts
( - )( - ) flat against the shower door breasts
< o >< o > electric shock breasts
|o||o| android breasts
(%)(o) extra nipple breasts
($)($) Jenny McCarthy's breasts
=~= =~= Mammogram breasts
)= )= I have to stop opening the freezer naked breasts...

God’s Email!
One day God was looking down at Earth and saw all of the evil that was going on. He decided to send an angel down to Earth to check it out.
When the angel returned, he told God that it was indeed bad on Earth. He reported that 95% was bad and 5% was good.
God thought a moment and decided He had better send down a female angel to get both points of view.
When the female angel returned she confirmed that Earth was in decline, 95% was bad and 5% was good.
God thought about what He could do about the situation and decided to e-mail the 5% that were good with a little pep-talk, some praise, something to encourage them, something to help keep them going.
Do you know what the e-mail said?....
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No???
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Oh! YOU didn`t get one either.

Virus AlertThere is a very dangerous virus going around and it is propogated throughthe email system. If you get an email message with the subject: "VIRUSALERT!" do not open the mail message. If you do, the virus scramblesthe second half of every text file on your system.VERY IMPORTANT: If you do get this virus, the first thing dlkfjaiddfdjas nairb gfdq40wt yaj asdfsdg dluog av da[agj asdfajpg asdflasidffnm asd difvu asdfa vgoiae vdsofj we dasdf 9efm sd dag0 g adfjdl5gkj dkllj djf hsas9kaj kuieh nx3glkj gkdls kd li8siue ghkld hks1as dg 0vbwe ads gwefawe ads vewerwe dsf!

10. I will not buy magazines with AOL disks bound in just to get another 1.44MB disk.

9. I will stop sending email to my roommate/spouse.

8. I resolve to work with neglected children. .. my own.

7. I will answer my snail mail with the same enthusiasm I answer my email.

6. When I subscribe to a newsgroup or mailing list, I will read all the mail I get from it.

5. I will stay on the computer as long as I want. What? OK, dear. .. I'm coming. Never mind.

4. No more downloads from alt.binaries.

3. I resolve to back up my new 10GB hard drive daily. .. well, once a week. .. monthly, perhaps. ..

2. I will spend less than one hour a day on the Net.

1. I won't try to get onto the Netscape ftp site as soon as a new Navigator beta comes out.

0. When I hear "Where do you want to go today?" I won't reply "MS Tech Support."

-1. I will read the more...

One Point Dares:Ignore the first five people who say 'good morning' to you.
To signal the end of a conversation, clamp your hands over your ears and grimace.
Leave your fly open for one hour. If anyone points it out, say, "Sorry, I really prefer it this way".
Walk sideways to the photocopier.
While riding in an elevator, gasp dramatically every time the doors open.
When in elevator with one other person, tap them on the shoulder and pretend it wasn't you.
Finish all your sentences with "In accordance with the prophecy..."
Don't use any punctuation.
Interrupt your conversation with someone by giving a huge dejected sigh.
Use your highlighter pen on the computer screen. Three Point Dares:Say to your boss, "I like your style", wink, and shoot him with double-barrelled fingers.
Kneel in front of the water cooler and drink directly from the nozzle.
Shout random numbers while someone is counting.
Every time you more...

I finally agreed to limit the number of people who could email me. It's a very exclusive list. How exclusive? Everyone look at the person sitting on your left. Now look at the person sitting on your right. None of you have my email address.

WHY IS EMAIL LIKE A PENIS?
Some folks have it, some don't. Those who have it would be devastated if it were ever cut off. They think that those who don't have it are somehow inferior. They think it gives them power. They are wrong.
Those who don't have it may agree that it's an nifty toy, but think it's not worth the fuss that those who do have it make about it. Still, many of those who don't have it would like to try it.
It can be up or down. It's more fun when it's up, but it makes it hard to get any real work done.
In the long-distant past, its only purpose was to transmit information considered vital to the survival of the species. Some people still think that's the only thing it should be used for, but most folks today use it for fun most of the time.
Once you've started playing with it, it's hard to stop. Some people would just play with it all day if they didn't have work to do.
It provides a way to interact with other people. Some people take this more...