Engine Jokes / Recent Jokes

As a drunk guy staggers out of the bar one Friday evening, a fire engine races past, siren wailing and lights flashing.

Immediately, the drunk starts chasing the engine, running as fast as he can until eventually he collapses, gasping for breath.

In a last act of desperation he shouts after the fire engine,

"If that's the way you want it, you can keep your bloody ice creams!"

At a recent COMDEX, Bill Gates reportedly compared the computer industry with the auto industry and stated that:

"If GM had kept up with technology like the computer industry has, we would all be driving $25 cars that got1, 000 miles to the gallon."

General Motors has issued a press release stating:

1. For no reason whatsoever your car would crash twice a day.

2. Every time they repainted the lines on the road, you would have to buy a new car.

3. Occasionally your car would die on the freeway for no reason, and you
would just accept this, restart and drive on.

4. Occasionally, executing a manoeuvre such as a left turn, would cause your car to shut down and refuse to restart, in which case you would have to reinstall the engine.

5. Only one person at a time could use the car, unless you bought "Car XP" or "Car 2000". But then you would have to buy more seats.

6. more...

Two Surds were flying to Miami from Cleveland. Fifteen minutes
into the flight, the Captain announces, "One of the engines has failed
and the flight will be an hour longer. But don't worry, we have three
engines left."
Thirty minutes later, the Captain announces, "One more engine has
failed and the flight will be two hours longer. But don't worry, we have
two engines left."
An hour later, the Captain announces, "One more engine has failed
and the flight will be three hours longer. But don't worry, we have one
engine left."
One Surdarji looked at the other and said, "If we lose one more
engine, we'll be up here all day!"

At a recent computer expo, Bill Gates reportedly compared the computer industry with the auto industry and stated:
"If GM had kept up with technology like the computer industry has, we would all be driving twenty-five dollar cars that got 1000 miles to the gallon."
In response to Bill's comments/General Motors issued a press release stating the following: "If GM had developed technology like Microsoft, we would be driving cars with the following characteristics:
1. For no reason whatsoever, your car would crash twice a day.
2. Every time they repainted the lines on the road, you would have to buy a new car.
3. Occasionally, your car would die on the freeway for no reason, and you would accept this, restart, and drive on.
4. Occasionally, executing a maneuver such as a left turn would cause your car to shut down and refuse to restart; in which case you would have to reinstall the engine.
5. Only one person at a time could use the car, more...

Fifteen minutes into the flight from Delhi to Kolkata, the captain announced, “Ladies and gentlemen, one of our engines has failed. There is nothing to worry about. Our flight will take an hour longer than scheduled, but we still have three engines left. ”
Thirty minutes later the captain announced, “One more engine has failed and the flight will take an additional two hours. But don’t worry. We can fly just fine on two engines. ”
An hour later the captain announced, “One more engine has failed and our arrival will be delayed another three hours. But don’t worry. We still have one engine left. ”
A young Sardar passenger turned to the man in the next seat and remarked, “If we lose one more engine, we’ll be up here all day! ”

There was a check point at Dehiwala/ wellawatta border.
Another young man came from Dehiwala side stopped and questioned by a " Ralami " That guy drove a vaux-vagon too.
This time he was ordered to open the Trunk.
The "ralami" got shoked when he saw the engine! He said "A ha! Double engine? ?" And gaven him a ticket!
(engine of most cars placed in front)

There were two blondes going to California for the summer, they are about two hours into the flight and the pilot gets on the intercom and says we just lost an engine but it is all right we have three more but it will take us an hour longer. A half hour later he gets on the intercom again and says we just lost another engine but its all right we have two more it will take us another half hour though. One of the blondes says "If we lose the two last engines we will be up here all day"