Erap Jokes / Recent Jokes

Erap was just elected president & one of the news reporters goes up to talk to him. The reporter ask, "Oh congratulations on your victory as a president, now that your president do you plan to dye you hair? Erap replied, "No my hair is always alive" hahahahah!!!

Erap and some soldiers were caught in war and held as hostages. They were all going to die, but were given two options--either be injected with the H. I. V. virus, or be shot to death. Every soldier chose to be shot, but Erap chose the H. I. V. virus. "Psst, why don't you want to be shot like the rest of us?" *Whispers* "They don't know I'm wearing a condom!"

STANLEY HO: Mr. President, please accept this Mercedes Benz as sign of my appreciation to you. ERAP: Sorry, I don't accept bribes. STANLEY HO: I'll just sell it to you for P100. ERAP: Okay, I'll get two!

Erap was at a black tie party along with Reli German who supplied him with a constant flow of Blue Label. All the gentlemen came in black jackets, white shirts and black ties and the ladies in black gowns. Erap thought it was a boring party so he kept drinking his Blue Label to get him through the night. Then he saw a lady in a white gown. "Reli, that's the lady I like," Erap said. "She is a non-conformist and a rebel. I think I will ask her to dance." "Madam, would you care to dance with the President of the Republic?" Erap asked. The lady replied, "No, and I will give you 3 reasons why. Reason No. 1, I don't know how to dance." "That's a legitimate reason," Erap remarked. "Reason No. 2, you are drunk," the lady continued. "That's your opinion," Erap said. "Reason No. 3, I am Cardinal Sin."

Background: The Vice-President of the Philippines, Joseph Estrada ('Erap' for short), has a reputation for being...err... how shall I put it? Well... STUPID! Much like Dan Quayle's reputation, I believe. The bad part is 'Erap' was elected into office. Here's a sample Erap joke.
Vice-President Joseph 'Erap' Estrada was invited to speak before an annual gathering of the Philippine Olympic Committee. Having no speech prepared for the event, he asked his aide to prepare one for him. Without reading it beforehand, he goes to the podium with his speech in hand and addresses the audience:
"Good evening", he pauses for a while, staring at his speech with a bewildered face.
"Ooouu... uuuoooO... ahem... ahem... OwwoooOwowwooh... Ohh... Ohhh... oooouuooouooo...", he struggles at his speech as his aide rushes to his side on stage.
"I'm having trouble reading this part", Erap whispers to him.
His aide looks at the speech for a moment then whispers more...

A simple match thrown into the wastebasket grew into a huge fire at Malacanang Palace. Meanwhile, Erap was surfing the smut net and could hardly be bothered by it. His bodyguard breaks down the door and pulls him out of his office and Erap says "What's going on?" Bodyguard replies, "SIR, FIRE! FIRE! LET'S GO, THE FIRE EXIT IS TO YOUR RIGHT SIR". Erap turns left instead and the guard, realizing Erap is not behind him, turns around and grabs him by the arm, "SIR, WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING? THE FIRE EXIT IS THE OTHER WAY!" Erap says, "Ay, hindi ba lumalabas and apoy sa fire exit?" ("Isn't that where the fire exits the building