Essay Jokes / Recent Jokes

The teacher had asked the class to write an essay on cricket. With only a few minutes left, one boy had written nothing. Suddenly, he looked up at the clock, grabbed his pen and scribbled something on the paper.

The teacher read out his essay:' No play today. Rain.'

16 Newspapers/magazines you subscribe to:
( _ ) Champak
( _ ) Indrajal
( _ ) Star and Style
( _ ) The great Punjab Dairy
( _ ) Blank sheets
17 How often do you bathe:
( _ ) Weekly
( _ ) Monthly
( _ ) Yearly
( _ ) Not Applicable
18 Color of teeth:
( _ ) Yellow
( _ ) Brownish-Yellow
( _ ) Brown
( _ ) Black
( _ ) N/A
19 Brand of chewing tobacco you prefer:
( _ ) Manikchand
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JALANDHAR BOARD COLLEGE EXAM QUESTION PAPER...........
(this one's little difficult than last year's)
1. Write your name in less than 20 minutes and 20 letters ________________________
(only alphabets allowed, no numeric digits or "_" allowed)
2. Sex?
( ) Male
( ) Female
( ) Sardar
3. What's ur age group?
( ) less than 0
( ) equal to 0
( ) greater than 0
4. What is 2 + more...

A university creative writing class was asked to write a concise essay containing the following four elements: Religion, Royalty, Sex, and Mystery. The prize-winning essay read: "My God," said the Queen. "I'm pregnant. I wonder who did it?"

These are the winners of the "worst analogies ever written in a high school essay" contest:
His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances like underpants in a dryer without Cling Free.
Her hair glistened in the rain like nose hair after a sneeze.
He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience, like a guy who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country speaking at high schools about the dangers of looking at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it.
The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn't.
McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a Hefty Bag filled with vegetable soup.
From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene had an eerie, surreal quality, like when you're on vacation in another city and "Jeopardy" comes on at 7 p.m. instead of more...

#1: When her teacher said to write an essay, she brought in a sheet of paper saying "An Essay."
#2: When she caught on fire nearby a lake, she called the fire department.
#3: She drank a bottle of root beer and said, "This doesn't taste like beer, or roots."
#4: She gave 200 dollars to a cashier for a small bag of chips and said, "Keep the change."
#5: When she heard that 1 of the 3-porta potties, each next to each other, was out of order, she walked 10 miles to the ocean.
#6: When she saw an old person she said, "At least I'm young."
#7: When she was suing someone, she thought that she was killing herself because she was on the counter sues side.
#8: When she realized someone in weaponry shed was attacking her, she called the police.
#9: When she was dying her hair, she thought she would be bald and her hair would be on the floor without a pulse.
#10: When she told this whole entire joke to her son, more...

I don't know if you saw Oprah a few days ago, but the winners of the "Young People Write an Essay About the Holocaust Contest" were announced. Fifty young people from around the country were selected to appear on Oprah's show and read portions of their essays, then watch Oprah cry with a real-life Holocaust survivor. Why do I think the contest was rigged? It's because my essay was not chosen, even though I am a young person and, like Oprah, I totally believe in angels.

Luckily, I have a forum for my essay (Which my angels helped me write, by the way.) on Daily Comedy. Here it is. I think that after reading it you will agree that my holocaust essay's not being chosen is the biggest travesty in history since the holocaust.
Oprah is Better Than Hitler
An Essay by Kurt Metzger and Angels

Hi, my name is Kurt and I hate the holocaust. It was totally not cool. If I ever had the chance to meet Hitler, I would tell him that he is a jerk and his mustache did more...

When Dad came home he was astonished to see Vishal sitting on a horse, writing something.
'What on earth are you doing there?' he asked.
'Well, teacher told us to write an essay on our favorite animal. That's why I'm here and that's why Vicky's sitting on the goldfish bowl!'