Eve Jokes / Recent Jokes

It was Christmas eve, and Santa was really busy making his list and checking it twice, when there came a knock at the door. His wife comes in. "Honey, where do you want me to put your boots and gloves?" Well, Santa is very busy and so hes slightly annoyed by this trivial question, so he snaps at her, "Put them by the front door, and stop bothering me. Im trying to get some work done." He starts back to work, but a few minutes later an elf barges in. "Santa, we got all the toys wrapped, what should we do with them?" Santa snaps, "Stick em in the sleigh! Cant you see Im trying to get ready? I dont want any more interruptions!" But sure enough, as soon as he starts back to work, there is another interruption. An angel, standing at the door, says, "Santa, I have your Christmas tree. Where would you like me to put it?" And this is where we get the tradition of placing an ange l on top of the Christmas tree.

Last New Years Eve, one woman stood up at the local tavern and said that it was time to get ready. At the stroke of midnight, she wanted every husband to be standing next to the one person who made his life worth living. It was embarrassing - The bartender was almost crushed to death.

>ADAM & EVE
>
>One fine morning in Eden, God was looking for Adam and Eve, but couldn't
>find them. Later in the day God saw Adam and asked where he and Eve were
>earlier. Adam said, "This morning Eve and I made love for the first time."
>God said, "Adam, you have sinned. I knew this would happen. Where is Eve
>now?"
>Adam replied, "She's down at the river, washing herself out."
>"Damn," says God, "now all the fish will smell funny."

To those of us who have children in our lives, whether they are our own, grandchildren, nieces, nephews, or students... here is something to make you chuckle.
Whenever your children are out of control, you can take comfort from the thought that even God's omnipotence did not extend to His own children.
After creating heaven and earth, God created Adam and Eve. And the first thing he said was, "DON'T!"
"Don't what?" Adam replied.
"Don't eat the forbidden fruit," God said.
" Forbidden fruit? We have forbidden fruit? Hey Eve... we have forbidden fruit!!!!!"
"No Way!"
"Yes way!"
"Do NOT eat the fruit!" said God.
"Why?"
"Because I am your Father and I said so!" God replied, wondering why He hadn't stopped creation after making the elephants. A few minutes later, God saw His children having an apple break and He was ticked!
"Didn't I tell you more...

Sometimes women are overly suspicious of their husbands. When Adam stayed out very late for a few nights, Eve became upset. "Youre running around with other women," she charged."Youre being unreasonable," Adam responded. "Youre the only woman on earth." The quarrel continued until Adam fell asleep, only to be awakened by someone poking him in the chest. It was Eve. "What do you think youre doing?" Adam demanded. "Counting your ribs," said Eve.

AN Englishman, a Frenchman and a Russian were arguing about the nationality of Adam and Eve.
'They must have been English,' declared the Englishman.' Only a gentleman would share his last apple with a woman.'
'They were undoubtedly French,' said the Frenchman.' Who else could seduce a woman so easily?'
I think they were Russians,' said the Russian.' After all, who else could walk stark naked, feed on one apple between the two of them and think they were in Paradise?'

Some bloopers of biblical proportions written by Sunday School students of both the Christian and Jewish persuasion:

In the first book of the bible, Guinessis, God got tired of creating the world, so he took the Sabbath off.

Adam & Eve were created from an apple tree.

Noah's wife was called Joan of Ark.

Noah built the ark, which the animals came on in pears.

Lot's wife was a pillar of salt by day, but a ball of fire by night.

The Jews were a proud people and throughout history they had trouble with unsympathetic Genitals.

Sampson was a strongman who let himself be led astray by a jezebel like Delilah.

Sampson slated the Philistines with the axe of apostles.

Moses led the Hebrews to the Red Sea, where they made unleavened bread, which is bread made without any ingredients.

The Egyptians were all drowned in the dessert.

Afterward, Moses went up on Mount Cyanide to get more...