Eventually Jokes / Recent Jokes

When I was studying in Ireland, I took up rugby. As my first season wore on, the lads and I were eventually scheduled to play a team which had a reputation for violent play.

Considering that we weren't the most talented outfit to have ever taken the field, we decided to accept the challenge with a "do or die" attitude, hoping things would eventually swing our way. They didn't and to make matters worse our star player dislocated his hip after a particularly ferocious tackle.

He was clearly in a lot of pain, so we all stood back to which the medic who, in one swift movement, managed to slot the hip back into its socket. Then Champ began a long bloodcurdling scream.

To our horror, we realised that one of his testicles had also been jammed into the socket and was now firmly held in the place by the hip. Incidentally, Champ managed to rip a vocal chord with his screaming.

It had been raining for days and days, and a great flood had come over the land. The waters rose so high that one man was forced to climb onto the roof of his house.
As the waters rose higher and higher, a man in a rowboat appeared, and told him to get in. "No," replied the man on the roof. "I have faith in the Lord; the Lord will save me." So the man in the rowboat went away. The man on the roof prayed for God to save him.
The waters rose higher and higher, and suddenly a speedboat appeared. "Climb in!" shouted a man in the boat. "No," replied the man on the roof. "I have faith in the Lord; the Lord will save me." So the man in the speedboat went away. The man on the roof prayed for God to save him.
The waters continued to rise. A helicopter appeared and over the loudspeaker, the pilot announced he would lower a rope to the man on the roof. "No," replied the man on the roof. "I have faith in the Lord; the more...

There were these 400 pound brothers. One of them lost a lot of weight. The other one asked How did you lose all that weight? The skinny brother said I went to a weight loss clinic. The fat brother asked what weight clinic he went to. The skinny brother told him and said Dont do 100 pounds.
The next day the fat brother went to the weight loss clinic. The man asked him how much weight he wanted to lose. The brother said 50 pounds. He was put in a room with a beautiful woman. She said if you catch me you can have sex with me. They ran around and he eventually caught her and had sex with her. He went home and weighed himself. It worked and he wanted to go back.
He went back and did 95 pounds. He was put in a room with the hottest woman he has ever seen. She says if you catch me you can have sex with me. They run around and he eventually catches her. Once again he loses the weight.
The next day he goes back and decides to do 100 pounds. Are you sure? asked the clerk. The man more...

There was a salmon fisherman who was out in the ocean fishing when his boat sank. He was lucky enough to make to a deserted island where he had to survive on what he could find. When the Coastguard eventually found him, the leader noticed there was a fire pit with California Condor feathers all around. He went over to the fisherman and said, "You know, it's illegal to kill a California Condor, I'm afraid I'm going to have to arrest you." The fisherman protested for some time saying that he killed it because he was going to starve but eventually he calmed down. "Out of curiosity" the coastguard asked, "What did it taste like?" The fisherman replied, " Well, it was kind of a mix between a snowy owl and a bald eagle."