Everywhere Jokes / Recent Jokes

A Little boy was afraid of the dark. One night his mother told him to go out to the back porch and bring her the broom. The little boy turned to his mother and said, "Mama, I don't want to go out there. It's dark." The mother smiled reassuringly at her son. "You don't have to be afraid of the dark," she explained. "Jesus is out there. He'll look after you and protect you."
The little boy looked at his mother real hard and asked, "Are you sure he's out there?" "Yes, I'm sure. He is everywhere, and he is always ready to help you when you need him," she said.
The little boy thought about that for a minute and then went to the back door and cracked it a little. Peering out into the darkness, he called "Jesus? If you're out there, would you please hand me the broom?

A man staggers into the Doctor's surgery and gasps: "Doctor, help me! Everywhere I look I see talking mice, talking dogs, and even a talking duck! What's wrong with me?"
Doctor says reassuringly: "Don't worry, you're just having Disney spells..."

This Russian guy loses his pet parrot. He looks everywhere, all around the neighbourhood, in the park, everywhere, but he can't find the parrot. Finally he goes around to the KGB office, and tells the desk officer his problem. The officer's a little puzzled. "Look, bud, I'm sorry you lost your bird, but this is the KGB. We don't handle missing animal reports.""Oh, I know that", says the guy. "I just wanted you to know, if you find my parrot - I don't know where he could have picked up all his political ideas."

One day a man comes home from work to find everything in total disorder. The children were still in their pajamas, playing outside in the mud and muck. Empty food boxes and wrappers were strewn everywhere.
As he entered the house, he found an even bigger mess. Dirty dishes on the counter, dog food spilled on the floor, a small pile of sand by the back door and broken glass under the table.
Passing the family room, he noticed a lamp had been knocked over and there were toys and clothing thrown everywhere.
Concerned that his wife may be ill or something may have happened to her, he headed up the stairs to look for her, carefully stepping over toys along the way.
He reached the bedroom and found his wife lounging in bed with her pajamas on, reading a book.
She looked up at him, smiled and asked how his day went. Bewildered, he asked, "What happened here today?"
Smiling, she replied, "You know when you come home from work everyday and ask me what I more...

CATS, DOGS & HUMANS
1. What is a cat?
Cats do what they want.
They rarely listen to you.
They are totally unpredictable.
When you want to play, they want to be alone.
When you want to be alone, they want to play.
They expect you to cater to their every whim.
They are moody.
They leave hair everywhere.
They drive you nuts and cost an arm and a leg.
Conclusion: They are tiny women in fur coats.
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2. What is a dog?
Dogs lie around all day, sprawled on the most comfortable
piece of furniture in the house.
They can hear a package of food opening half a block away,
but they don't hear you when you are in the same room.
They growl when they are not happy.
When you want to play, they want to play.
When you want to be alone, they want to play.
They are great at begging.
They will love you forever if you rub their tummies.
They leave their toys everywhere.
They do disgusting things with their more...

for your cnsideration
PMS--Punishing Men's Stupidity
PENIS--Protrusion exiting noticeably inferior sex
SHOPPING--Smarter, Healthier, Obviously Prettier, Plus Incredibly Neater Gender
SLAVE=Superior Lady Acquiring Vast Empire
WINNER=Women Inevitably Negotiating New Empowered Roles
BITCH=Bright Individual That Controls Him
MALE=Men Are Losing Everywhere
WOMEN=We Outclass Men Each Night
GIRLS=Gifted Individuals Realizing Large Superiority
FUTURE=Females Understand They Ultimately Rule Everywhere
BABE=Body And Brain Excellence
DAME=Dominant Against Men Everywhere
HIS=Honors In Servitude
SHE=Soon His Emperor
LOVE=Lady Obtains Virtually Everything
WORSHIP=We Obey Ruling Sisters Having Intense Power
SHOPS=Smarter, Healthier, Obviously Prettier Sex
HIM=Held In Mercilessly
HER=His Eternal Ruler
GUY=Gender Under You
GAL=Goddess At Large
BOYS=Babes Obedient Young Slave
SKIRT=She more...

What is a cat?
- Cats do what they want.
- They rarely listen to you.
- They are totally unpredictable.
- When you want to play, they want to be alone.
- When you want to be alone, they want to play.
- They expect you to cater to their every whim.
- They are moody.
- They leave hair everywhere.
- They drive you nuts and cost an arm and a leg.
Conclusion: They are tiny women in fur coats.

What is a dog?
- Dogs lie around all day, sprawled on the most comfortable piece of furniture in the house.
- They can hear a package of food opening half a block away, but they don't hear you when you are in the same room.
- They growl when they are not happy.
- When you want to play, they want to play.
- When you want to be alone, they want to play.
- They are great at begging.
- They will love you forever if you rub their tummies.
- They leave their toys everywhere.
- They do disgusting things more...