Exam Jokes / Recent Jokes
If you are given an open-book exam, you will forget the book.
This could go in true stories: An 85 year old who had never been to a doctor
before, as he proudly announced, came to the office for a check-up. He thought
it was about time. The doctor (that's me) said,
"What did you do to live so long and
stay so healthy?" He said, "Well, whatever it was, it wasn't listening to the
likes of you!!"
Another one: During my residency, we offered a free Pap smear clinic. Well, a
nurse brought in her elderly mother to have a Pap smear because she had never
had one, or an internal exam for that matter. She had her kids at home
without benefit of medical attention. She was maybe 80. (The daughter was 60
or so.) Well, the daughter held her hand and talked her through the ordeal of
her first pelvic exam just as a mother might with a teenage girl. After it
was over, I said something to lighten things up like, "Now that wasn't so bad
was it?" The old lady said, "No, it more...
The following statements were found on patient's charts during a recent review of medical records. These statements were written by various health care professionals including (we're afraid) a doctor or two at several major hospitals: "The lab test indicated abnormal lover function." "Exam of genitalia reveals that he is circus sized." "The skin was moist and dry." "The patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch." "She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life until 1989 when she got a divorce." "The patient was in his usual state of good health until his airplane ran out of gas and crashed." "I saw your patient today, who is still under our car for physical therapy." "The patient lives at home with his mother, father, and pet turtle, who is presently enrolled in day care three times a week." "Bleeding started in the rectal area and continued all the way to Los more...
A student is taking his final exams. He takes his seat in the exam hall, stares at the questions and then in a fit for inspiration takes his shoes off and throws them out of the window. He then removes his shirt, pants and socks.
The teacher, alarmed, approached him and asked what is going on?
I am only following the instructions -- the test paper states, answer the questions in brief.
____________________UniversityTo: Professor____________________ From: __________________I think my grade in your course, ___________________, should bechanged from ______ to _______ for the following reasons: ______1. The persons who copied my paper made a higher grade than I did. ______2. The person whose paper I copied made a higher grade than I did. ______3. This course will lower my Grade Point Average and I won't get into: ______ Law School______Medical School ______Graduate School______Dental School ______My Fraternity/Sorority______The Mickey Mouse Club ______Tri County Tech______4. I have to get an A in this course to balance the F in_______________. ______5. I'll lose my scholarship. ______6. I'm on a varsity sports team and my tutor couldn't find a copy of your exam. ______7. I didn't come to class and the person whose notes I used did not cover the material asked for on the exam. ______8. I studied the basic principles and the exam wanted every little fact. ______9. I more...
Why did the blonde fail her driver's license exam? She wasn't used to the front seat! Why did she finally pass her test? She took the examiner with her.
A lesbian goes to her doctor for her annual physical.
After the doctor completes the physical, she says, "You can get dressed now. Your test results will be back in a few days. Stop by my office and I'll review the exam I just gave you."
When the patient gets to the office, the doctor says, "Well, you seem to be in perfect health. I couldn't find a thing wrong in my exam. Furthermore, I'd like to compliment you on your excellent personal hygiene. I have hundreds of patients, and I can't think of a one of them who keeps her genital area so clean and fresh."
The patient says, "Well, there's a perfectly good reason for that...you see, I have a woman in at least three times a week."