Fail Jokes / Recent Jokes

This poem was written by Ken Nagler, an obedience judge and director of the
Canine Training Association in MD.
Now clicker training's quite the fad.
Results from some are not too bad.
The concept stemmed from Pavlov's hound
Responding to some special sound.
The dog would start to salivate
Before he got the food he ate.
The modern click does much the same.
Enhancing our dogtraining game
By causing Fido's hopes to raise-
Anticipating treats or praise.
Sometimes you click to no avail,
And other methods also fail.
No matter how you plead or shout,
Sometimes the dog just won't put out
When asked to sit or heel or stay,
Thus giving you a rotten day.
It makes you feel quite like a fool,
And then you start to lose your cool.
But if your methods fail for you.
There's something else that you can do.
Try "liquor training", that's it's name,
To help you with your dogsport more...

This article was in the San Diego Union Tribune on December 6, 2000. It was in the editorial section under "Letters" that people contribute on different news events. Vice Presidential candidate Sen. Joseph Lieberman recently asked the question, "What will we tell our children if every vote is not counted?"
Here is the response of one citizen:
"As a former teacher, I have been concerned about Joe Lieberman's question, 'What will we tell our children?' "What we should, and must, tell our children is that if they fail to mark the right answer on an exam, or do not fill in the entire test, they will not get credit for their answers. If they do it often enough and if they do not ask for help or read the directions properly, they will fail.
"We should tell them that when they are older and move to Florida, they must fully read their ballot and remove the entire chad and not keep an entire nation waiting because of their mistakes. We must also more...

HAVE YOU GOT WHAT IT TAKES TO JOIN THE PUBLIC SERVICE?

Welcome to this year's public service exam.

I see that all of you have been able to find yourself a seat and desk so obviously you've got what it takes to be public servants.

Should you pass this exam and become a member of the public service, you will enjoy not only the esteem and envy of all your friends but also a unique package of fringe benefits, including:
* An early retirement scheme which allows you to retire while still turning up for work
* flexitime which enables you to decide when you don't want to work at work and when you don't want to work away from work
* free use of government stationery (this has been facilitated by the introduction of eight-items-or-less lanes as you leave the building.

I must at this stage warn all examinees that anyone found cheating or copying from their neighbour's paper will be automatically assigned to Parliament - regardless of more...

Three men are going through CIA training, trying to become secret agents. They finally got through all their written and physical tests when they are pulled aside by one of the instructors who took them to a small room with another room adjacent to it. They brought the first guy's wife into the room and left her there. The instructor then loaded two rounds into a pistol, handed it to the first man saying, "Go kill your wife of five years." The trainee took the weapon, went into the next room. He came back out one minute later and said, "I can't do it." The instructor replied, "Then you fail out, so get out."The second candidate's wife was brought to the room. The instructor then loaded two rounds into a pistol, handed it to the second man and said, "Go kill your wife of ten years." The trainee took the weapon, went into the next room, but returned three minutes later and said, "I can't do it." The instructor replied, "Then you more...

Q: Why did the blonde fail her drivers liscence?
A: She wasn't used to the front seat!

Submitted by Jim Porter

Are you a wealthy and successful suit-and-tie yuppie businessman who has always had a secret dream that you would one day become a redneck? Have you always wanted to be a Bubba, but didn? t know how? Well, now you can!

Just follow these instructions. Purchase the following: one pair of overalls, one pack of chewing tobacco and six cases of beer. That? s all you will need to start!

Caution: These instructions MUST be followed in your BUSINESS OFFICE.

1) You are a dignified, well-groomed yuppie executive; therefore, as you read this, it is assumed you are wearing a pair of well-polished $800 Brooks Brothers black dress shoes and silk socks, a $2, 000 pinstriped Armani business suit tailored for you, a $150 silk necktie with matching pocket square and suspenders, a starched white shirt, monogrammed cufflinks, silver tiepin and a Rolex as you read this. FIRST, untie and remove fancy shoes. Peel off socks. DO THIS NOW! Be more...

Q: What's a blondes' favourite rock group?
A: Air Supply.
Q: What do you see when you look into a blonde's eyes?
A: The back of her head.
Q: Why do blondes drive VW's
A: Because they can't spell PORSCHE!!
Q: How do you make a blond laugh on Monday mornings?
A: Tell them a joke on Friday night!
Q: Why did God create blondes?
A: Because sheep can't bring beer from the fridge.
Q: Why do blondes have see-through lunch box lids?
A: So they know if it is morning or afternoon.
Q: Whats black and fuzzy and hangs from the ceiling?
A: A blond electrician
Q: Why are dumb blonde jokes so short?
A1 So brunettes can remember them.
A2 Because blondes are so SHALLOW a long joke wouldn't fit.
Q: Why wasn't the Virgin Mary a blonde? ???
A: She wouldn't have been old enough to bear children!
Q: Why are blondes hurt by peoples words?
A: Because people keep hitting them with dictionaries.
Q: Why did more...