Fence Jokes / Recent Jokes
A farmer, upset with his low yield of eggs, decided to go to town to buy a fresh rooster who could liven things up a bit with his hens. The man at the supply store told him he wished he could help, but all he had was this incredible randy rooster.
"But that's just what I need!" the farmer said. The store owner said, "Not this rooster, he's trouble. I've never seen anything so horny." But the farmer insisted and eventually took the rooster home on the condition that he wouldn't ever return it.
Once home, the rooster jumped into the hen house and nailed every hen repeatedly until they were all exhausted and nearly dead. Undaunted, the rooster hopped the fence and got in with the ducks, repeating the scene with the hens and wiping out all the ducks. He then leaped another fence and proceeding to nail all the geese.
This continued for three days until all the farm birds that were left alive lay gasping. The farmer found the rooster more...
One day there were three men walking down the street. One was black, one was French, and one was Polish.
As they walked by a farm, a farmer stopped them and asked if they'd like to take a test to win his daughter's hand. Being game, they all said, "Why the hell not?"
"Good," the farmer said. He then explained to them that they would have to jump over a fence (electric), get through some mud (quick-sand), and fuck his cow.
The black man went first. He only got as far as the fence, but he got a permanent set of Dred-Locks!
Next, the French man went. He just barely jumped the fence when he sloshed right into the quicksand. He screamed, "Help! Help, mes amis!" The farmer quickly stuck his foot on the poor Frog's head.
Finally it was the Polack's turn. He jumped the fence with ease, got through the quicksand with the help of the Frog's slightly liquified head, and then proceeded to screw the cow.
The farmer, being amazed at all more...
Tired of having to stare at the luscious young kitten on the other side of the chain link fence, bold Tommy Tomcat decided to visit her one day. Settling back on his haunches, he gave a mighty leap and landed on the other side; impressed, the lovely cat sauntered over.
"That was quite a leap," she remarked. "Want to go somewhere and cuddle?"
"' Fraid not," said Tommy, a pained expression on his face. "The fence was higher than I thought."
A Zookeeper was walking through the zoo one day, checking on all the animals.
When he passed near the Giraffe pen, he noticed a woman standing near the fence
that contained the giraffes.
One of the largest giraffes had walked up to the woman and stood in front of her on
the other side of the fence.
Suddenly, the giraffe reared up and jumped over the fence and raced away through the zoo.
The Zookeeper ran over to the woman. "My God Lady, what happened to the giraffe?"
The woman turned to the Zookeeper and said, "All I did was reach through the bars and tickle his balls."
With that the Zookeeper dropped his own pants around his ankles and said, "Tickle mine, I gotta catch him."
As you may already know, THE DARWIN AWARDS are bestowed every year upon (the remains of) that individual, who through single-minded self-sacrifice, has done the most to remove undesirable elements from the human gene pool.
And now, for this year's illustrious winner(s):.. drum roll... John
Pernicky and friend Sal Hawkins, of the great state of Washington, decided to attend a local Metallica concert at the Amphitheater at Gorge Washington. Having no tickets (but 18 beers among them) they sat in the parking lot, and after finishing the beer, decided that it would be easy enough to hop over the nine-foot high fence and sneak into the show.
The two friends pulled their pickup truck over to the fence and the plan was for John--100 pounds heavier than Sal-to hop over, and then assist his friend over the fence. Unfortunately for John, there was a 30 foot drop on the other side of the fence. Having heaved himself over, he found himself crashing through a tree. His more...
There was a farmer working on his fence when a drifter stopped to chat.
The drifter told the farmer that he was awfully thirsty and asked if he could have a bucket to go get some milk from the milkweed in his field.
The farmer chuckled, and said,
"Hell boy, if you think you can get milk from milkweed, I'll give you two buckets!"
Shaking his head and laughing the farmer watched him walk down through the field.
He yelled for his wife to come outside. " Honey, there is a dumbass out yonder thinkin' he's gonna get milk from milkweed!"
The farmer's wife giggled,"There's nothing wrong with having an imagination."
The farmer started working on his fence again. About 30 minutes later the drifter came carrying two buckets of milk.
"I sure do appreciate it, sir. Some honey sure would be good with this milk. I see that you have honeysuckle over there", said the drifter.
Puzzled, the farmer said, "Well, now I guess more...