Fifteen Jokes / Recent Jokes
A successful businessman flew to Vegas for the weekend to gamble. He lost the shirt off his back, and had nothing left but a quarter and the second half of his round trip ticket -- If he could just get to the airport then could get himself home. So he went out to the front of the casino where there was a cab waiting. He got in and explained his situation to the cabbie. He promised to send the driver money from home, he offered him his credit card numbers, his drivers license number, his address, etc. but to no avail. The cabbie said (adopt appropriate dialect), "If you don't have fifteen dollars, get the hell out of my cab!" So the businessman was forced to hitch-hike to the airport and was barely in time to catch his flight. One year later the businessman, having worked long and hard to regain His financial success, returned to Vegas and this time he won big time. Feeling pretty good about himself, he went out to the front of the casino to get a cab ride back to the more...
You should not attempt these things during an actual exam. The following is meant for entertainment purposes only.
12. Fifteen minutes into the exam, stand up, rip up all the papers into very small pieces, throw them into the air and yell out "Merry Christmas. "If you're really daring, ask for another copy of the exam. Say you lost the first one. Repeat this process every fifteen minutes.
A traveling salesman checked into a futuristic motel. Realizing he needed a haircut
before his next day's meeting, he called down to the desk clerk and asked if there
was a barber on the premises.
"I'm afraid not, sir," the clerk told him, "but down the hall is a special machine that
should serve your purposes."
Skeptical but intrigued, the salesman located the appropriate machine, inserted fifty
cents, and stuck his head in the opening, at which time the machine started to buzz
and whirl. Fifteen seconds later the salesman pulled out his head and surveyed his
head in the mirror, which reflected the best haircut he ever received in his life.
Down the hall was another machine with a sign that read, "Manicures - 25 cents."
"Why not?" thought the salesman. He paid the money, inserted his hands into the
slot, and pulled them out perfectly manicured.
The next machine had a huge sign that more...
A man goes to his doctor and says,? I don?t think my wife?s hearing is as good as it used to be. What should I do?? The doctor replies,? Try this test to find out for sure. When your wife is in the kitchen doing dishes, stand fifteen feet behind her and ask her a question, if she doesn?t respond keep moving closer asking the question until she hears you.? The man goes home and sees his wife preparing dinner. He stands fifteen feet behind her and says,? What?s for dinner, honey?? He gets no response, so he moves to ten feet behind her and asks again. Still no response, so he moves to five feet. Again, no answer. Finally he stands directly behind her and says,? Honey, what?s for supper?? She screams,? For the fourth time, I said chicken, you deaf bastard!?
Three men are driving in a car when it breaks down on an abandoned road: A Hindu man, a Jewish man, and a Polish man. After walking for a few miles, they come across a farm with a barn. Desperately seeking a place to sleep for the night, they knock on the door and ask the farmer if they can sleep in the barn.
The farmer says it's OK as long as they don't disturb his sleep or the animals, so the three men go to sleep in the barn with all the animals.
Fifteen minutes later, the Hindu man bangs on the farmer's door and asks if he can sleep on the floor of his room, because he cannot sleep with sacred cows next to him. The farmer says it's OK and lets him in.
In another fifteen minutes, the Jewish man bangs on the farmer's door and asks if he can sleep on the floor of his room, because he cannot sleep with pigs next to him, and the farmer says this is OK. Now only the Polish man is outside.
Fifteen minutes later, the farmer hears another knock more...
A traveling salesman checked into a futuristic motel. Realizing he needed a haircut before his next day's meeting, he called down to the desk clerk and asked if there was a barber on the premises. "I'm afraid not, sir," the clerk told him apologetically, "but down the hall is a special machine that should serve your purposes."
Skeptical but intrigued, the salesman located the appropriate machine, inserted fifty cents, and stuck his head in the opening, at which time the machine started to buzz and whirl. Fifteen seconds later the salesman pulled out his head and surveyed his head in the mirror, which reflected the best haircut he ever received in his life.
Down the hall was another machine with a sign that read, "Manicures - 25 cents." "Why not," thought the salesman. He paid the money, inserted his hands into the slot, and pulled them out perfectly manicured.
The next machine had a huge sign that read, more...
If you're going to go down, go down with style. Failing your final exam can actually be an amusing experience, depending on what you make of it. Here are some suggestions...
1. Bring a pillow. Fall asleep (or pretend to) until the last 15 minutes. Wake up, say, "Oh geez, better get cracking." and do some gibberish work. Turn it in a few minutes early.
2. Get a copy of the exam, run out screaming "Andre, Andre, I've got the secret documents!!"
3. If it is a math/science exam, answer in essay form. If it is long answer/essay form, answer with numbers and symbols. Be creative. Use the integral symbol.
4. Make paper airplanes out of the exam. Aim them at the instructor's left nostril.
5. Talk the entire way through the exam. Read questions aloud, debate your answers with yourself out loud. If asked to stop, yell out, "I'm SOOO sure you can hear me thinking." Then start talking about what a jerk the instructor is.
6. Bring more...