Firm Jokes / Recent Jokes

Four guys are telling stories in a bar. One leaves to take a leak. There are three guys left.
The first guy says "I was worried that my son was going be a loser because he started out washing cars for a local dealership. Turns out that he got a break, they made him a salesman, and he sold so many cars that he bought the dealership. In fact, he is so successful that he just gave his best friend a new Mercedes for his birthday."
The second guy says "I was worried about my son, too, because he started out raking leaves for a Realtor. Turns out HE got a break, they made him a commissioned salesman, and he eventually bought the real estate firm. In fact he's so successful that he just gave his best friend a new house for his birthday."
The third guy says "Yeah, I hear you. MY son started out sweeping floors in a brokerage firm. Well, he got a break, they made him a broker, and now he owns the brokerage firm. In fact, he's so rich that he just gave more...

A corporate executive received a monthly bill from the law firm that was handling a big case for his company. It included hourly billing for conferences, research,
phone calls, and everything but lunch hours. Unhappy as he was, the executive knew that the company would have to pay for each of these services. Then he noticed one item buried in the middle of the list: FOR CROSSING THE STREET TO TALK TO YOU, THEN
DISCOVERING IT WASN'T YOU AFTER ALL -- $125.

Bosses of a publishing firm are trying to work out why no one noticed that one of their employees had been sitting dead at his desk for FIVE DAYS before anyone asked if he was feeling okay.
George Turklebaum, 51, who had been employed as a proof-reader at a New York firm for 30 years, had a heart attack in the open-plan office he shared with 23 other workers. He quietly passed away on Monday, but nobody noticed until Saturday morning when an office cleaner asked why he was still working during the weekend.
His boss Elliot Wachiaski said: "George was always the first guy in each morning and the last to leave at night, so no one found it unusual that he was in the same position all that time and didn't say anything.
He was always absorbed in his work and kept much to himself."
A post mortem examination revealed that he had been dead for five days after suffering a coronary.
And the moral of the story: "Don't work too hard. Nobody notices anyway."

The Americans and the Japanese decided to engage in a competitive boat race. Both teams practiced hard and long to reach their peak performance.
On the big day they felt ready. The Japanese won by a mile. Afterward, the American team was discouraged by the loss. Morale sagged. Corporate management decided that the reason for the crushing defeat had to be found, so a consulting firm was hired to investigate the problem and recommended corrective action.
The consultant`s finding: The Japanese team had eight people rowing and one person steering; the American team had one person rowing and eight people steering.
After a year of study and millions spent analyzing the problem, the consultant firm concluded that too many people were steering and not enough were rowing on the American team.
So as race day neared again the following year, the American team`s management structure was completely reorganized. The new structure: four steering managers, three area steering more...

Background: A firm in Germany ordered macaroni from a firm in the United
States. While the macaroni was enroute, a couple of boxes
broke open and some rats nested in the macaroni. The German
firm sent the following letter concerning the condition of
the macaroni.
WILHELMSTRASSEE 135
HAMBURG, GERMANY
BRITISH ZONE
SCHENTLEMENS:
DER LAST TWO PACKESCHES VE GOT FROM YOU OF MACARONI WAS MITT RATTSCHIDT
GEMIXT. DER MACARONI MAY BE GUT ENUFF, BUT DER RATTCURDS SCHPOILS DER
TRADE. VE DID NOT SEE DER RATTCURDS IN DER SEMBLES VICH YOU SENT US
FOR EXAMINASHUM.
VE ORDER DER KLEEN MACARONI AND YOU SHIPT SCHIDT MIT DER MACARONI, IT VAS
A MISTAKE, YA? ID TAKES SO MUCH TIME TO PIK DER RATTCURDS FROM DER
MACARONI VE LIKE YOU TO SCHIP US DER MACARONI IN VUN SAK UND DER RATTSCHIDT
IN DER ODDER SAK, DEN VE MIX IT TO SUIT DER CUSTOMER.
PLEASE WRITE IF VE SHULDT SHIPP DER SCHIDT BAK UND KEEPEN DER MACARONI, OR
VE SHULDT KEEP DER SCHIDT more...

There is one Very Serious Law Firm.
All staff comes to work at 6am and leaves around 11pm.
Suddenly, one guy started his day at 9am.
All the guys exchanged "looks".
And he left at 6pm.
All the guys exchanged "looks".
Next day is the same story.
And the day after is the same story.
Finally, they come to this rebel to explain the rules.
He listened, kept quiet for a while and said: "Excuse me guys, I am on vacation¦"

The Americans and the Japanese decided to engage in a boat race. Both teams practiced hard and long to reach their peak performance levels. On the big day they felt ready. The Japanese won by a mile. The American team was discouraged by the loss. Morale sagged. Corporate management decided that the reason for the crushing defeat had to be found, so a consulting firm was hired to investigate the problem and recommend corrective action. The Japanese team had six people rowing and one person steering and rowing; the American team had two people rowing and five people steering. After a year of study and thousands spent analyzing the problem, the consultant firm concluded that too many people were steering and not enough were rowing on the American team. So as race day neared again the following year, the American team's management structure was completely reorganized. The new structure for the American s was: one quality assurance manager, two steering managers, one area steering more...