Flags Jokes / Recent Jokes

After Coach Holmgren dies and enters the Pearly Gates, God takes him on tour. He shows Mr. Holmgren a little two-room house with a faded Green Bay Packers banner hanging from the front porch.
"This is your house, coach. Most people don't get their own houses up here," God says.
Coach Holmgren looks at the house, then turns around and looks at the one sitting on top of the hill. It's a huge three-story mansion with white marble columns and little patios under all the windows. Denver flags line both sides of the sidewalk and a huge Broncos banner hangs between the marble columns.
"Thanks for the house, God, but let me ask you a question. I get this little two-room house with a faded banner and Shanahan gets a huge mansion with Bronco banners and flags flying all over the place. Why is that?"
God looks at Holmgren seriously for a moment. "That's not Shanahan 's house," God says "That's my house."

After coach Osborne dies and enters the Pearly Gates, God takes him on tour. He shows Mr. Osborne a little two-room house with a faded University of Nebraska banner hanging from the front porch.
"This is your house, coach. Most people don't get their own houses up here," God says. Mr. Osborne looks at the house, then turns around
and looks at the one sitting on top of the hill. It's a huge three-story mansion with white marble columns and little patios under all the windows.
Michigan flags line both sides of the sidewalk and a huge Michigan banner hangs between the marble columns.
"Thanks for the house, God. But let me ask you a question. I get this little two-room house with a faded banner and Lloyd Carr gets a mansion with new Michigan banners and flags flying all over the place.
"Why is that?" God looks at him seriously for a moment.
"That's not Carr's house," God says. "That's mine."

Two blonde girls were on their way to Six Flags. When they were almost there, they saw a sign that read: Six Flags Left.
So, they turned around and went home!

Your co-worker tells you they have eight body piercings - and none
are visible.
When someone says "tenderloin" - you don't think steak. You think
danger.
You make well over $100,000 and you still can't find a nice place
to live.
You think anyone who drives a car to work is decadent.
You keep a list of companies to boycott.
You would never dream of crossing a picket line.
You take the bus and are shocked at two people carrying on a
conversation in English.
You realize there are far more Rainbow flags in the city than
California State Flags.
The guy who cuts your hair is straight, and your plumber is gay.
The woman who delivers your mail is straight and your Mary Kay
Lady is gay.
Old friends you haven't talked to in years suddenly call and ask
do you have a spare bedroom for a weekend?
You think anyone wearing a George Clooney haircut is visiting from
the Midwest.
You can't remember... Is pot still more...

There's these two English blokes on a ski-ing trip, and one says to the other, whilst they're at the top of the hill, "What are we supposed to do, then?"
To which the other replies, "Well, you see those flags. .. we're suppose to zag-zig in between them."
"Don't you mean zig-zag?" says the other,
"No, zag-zig". ..
Anyway so they argue for quite a while. About as long as it takes for people to get bored with moaning about Squiffy, when one says "We'll ask Klaus the Kraut. He'll know."
So off they go to Klaus and one says, "Tell me Klaus, me owd obergruppermeister, them flags. .. do we zig-zag or zag-zig?"
"Vell," says Klaus, "I tsink zat you zig-zag, but I don't care, I'm a tobogganist."
To which our lad says, "Oh great. I'll have 20 Malboro, then."

Bainbridge Township -

As riders swoop and loop on the Serial Thriller at Six Flags Ohio, hats, glasses, false teeth and an artificial leg have been known to fly through the air.

Teeth and a leg? Recently, a guest's dentures fell out on the ride. Luckily, they did not land in the lake below and were soon found. Another person lost a prosthetic leg, but it was discovered nearby. Both items were quickly reclaimed.

"People who lose shoes get upset because you have to have shoes to get on rides," Rak said. They are given vouchers to buy flip-flop sandals. Those who lose keys can leave their vehicles in the parking lot overnight if they can find a ride. Otherwise, a local locksmith will make a new key for $100 to $200, Murphy said. "He comes at least once a day," she said.

Murphy said she and others thought there was nothing new that could be lost at Six Flags until someone found a silicone breast enhancer floating in the wave more...

After Bear Bryant dies and enters the Pearly Gates, God takes him on a tour. He shows Bear a little two-bedroom house with a faded Alabama banner hanging from the front porch.
"This is your house, coach," God says happily."Most people don`t get their own houses up here."
Bear looks at the house, then turns around and looks at the one sitting on top of the hill. It`s a huge, beautiful two-story mansion with white marble columns and little patios under all the windows. Auburn flags line both sides of the sidewalk and a huge Auburn banner hangs between the marble columns.
"Thanks for the house, God," Bear says. "But let me ask you a question. I get this little two-bedroom house with a faded banner and Shug gets a mansion with Auburn banners and AU flags flying all over the place. Why is that?"
God looks at him seriously for a moment, then says, "Bear, that`s not Shug`s house. That`s mine."