Auburn Jokes

An Alabama fan was driving down a country road when he came upon two Auburn football players hitchiking. He told the Auburn players to jump in the back of his pick-up truck. He then drove down the dirt road rather fast and lost control of the truck as they were going around a curve. The truck landed in a lake. The Alabama fan scrambled to the surface and swam to the bank. When he looked back at the lake, the two Auburn football players were still sitting in the bed of the truck looking frantic.
As the truck began sinking the Bama fan yelled for the Auburn players to get out truck, to which they replied, "We`re tryin` to get out, but we can`t get the dang tailgate open!"

An Auburn fan and an Alabama fan both go over to Tunica to do a little gambling. After a couple of hours the Alabama fan was broke. He looks over and sees the Auburn fan with a wheelbarrel full of quarters.
The Alabama fan walks over to him and says, "Wow, where did you win all that?"
To which the Auburn fan replies, "You see that machine on the wall over there? If you put a dollar in you get four quarters back every time!"

Q. Where was OJ headed in the white Bronco
A. To Tuscaloosa... he knew the police would never look for a Heisman Trophy winner there!

Q. What`s the best road sign in Auburn?
A. Tuscaloosa - 120 miles

A man walks into a store says to the clerk, "I`d like a pair of red shoes, a white shirt, a pair of red pants, and a pair of white shoes." The clerk looks at him and shakes his head saying, "You must be an Alabama fan!" The man proclaims with pride, "How could you tell, was it the color scheme!" The clerk looks at him and says "No, this is a hardware store."

Q. What is the most common line used by an Auburn alum?
A. Would you like fries with that?

Q. Why did they build the Mercedes plant so close to the University of Alabama?
A. Because they have an endless supply of crash test dummies right down the road.

Q. Why is Auburn always in the dark?
A. Because they`re afraid of more...

. .. You can play the Auburn fight song using your armpit.
... Your wife`s idea of cleaning house is throwing everything out into the yard.
... The Roto-Rooter man stops by your trailer and asks, "What`s that smell?"
... You`re a member of the Skoal Frequent Purchaser Program.
... You looked up your family tree and your uncle spit on you.
... You joined Alcoholics Anonymous so you can drink and use a different name.
... You looked out for #1 and stepped in #2! !!
... You won`t buy a Japanese car because you`re afraid you won`t understand what they say on the radio.
... Your kids go to a private school and they won`t tell you where it is.
... Your Granny beats you in the tobacky spittin` contests.

Two Auburn Engineering students were tasked to measure the height of a flag pole as a class assignment. They decided to measure the flag pole outside of Legion Field at the south end of the stadium. While attempting this task one student would hold the tape while the other climbed the flag pole with the other end of the tape. Much to their disappointment the student climbing the pole kept sliding down and could not get to the top.
An astute Alabama graduate was observing from a distance and suggested that the Auburn students disconnect the flag pole and measure the pole while on the ground.
The Auburn students enraged by the suggestion yelled out " We want to know how tall it is not how long it is you idiot"