Fly Jokes / Recent Jokes

How to Tell Someone Their Fly Is Unzipped...
- You've got Windows on your laptop.
- Sailor Ned's trying to take a little shore leave.
- Your dork is ajar.
- Quasimodo needs to go back in the tower and tend to his bells.
- I can see your Gap dancers.
- Paging Mr. Johnson... Paging Mr. Johnson...
- Your pod bay door is open, Hal.
- Elvis Junior has left the building!
- Mini Me is making a break for the escape pod.
- Ensign Hanes is reporting a hull breach on the lower deck, Sir!
- Captain, sensors detect a wormhole in the forward quadrant!
- Lil' Shaq's at the free show line.
- You've got your fly set for "Monica" instead of "Hillary."
- Your closet door is open and Donato's peeking out.
- You've got a security breach at Los Pantalones.
- I see you have an opening in senior management.
- Our next guest is someone who needs no introduction.

Teacher: What Is The Difference Between A Fly & A Mosquito?
Motu: A Fly Can Fly But A Mosquito Can't Mosquito.

Whats got six legs and can fly long distances? Three swallows!

body: This is a true transcript of an essay written by a M. P. at the Parliamentarians English Exam (PEE). As many Parliamentarians failed it, PEE is not done in Parliament anymore.
The Sri Lanka Elefant
-------------------------
There is a three Sri Lanka elefants. One is a home elefant. Two is a val elefant. Three is a UNP party animal.
The elefant has 5 legs.
Elefant has long thunk hanging between. 2 white iworry tasks some have on both side of hanging thunk. These iworry is very moneyful. Some bad men rape the val elefant to get iworry.
Elefants like to eat banananas, bunns, gnanakathas, like that. It like to drink milk and toddy. Like you and other people elefants send extra food out to the world from the behind of the backside at the back.
Elefants have tail. This is to move its fly. Some time elefant is moving tail this way that way but his fly is not out. Then elefant gets angry and runs around like a man with prithi kashana.
Elefant more...

Patron: Waiter!
Waiter: Hi, my name is Bill, and I'll be your Support waiter.
Waiter. What seems to be the problem?

Patron: There's a fly in my soup!
Waiter: Try again, maybe the fly won't be there this time.
Patron: No, it's still there.
Waiter: Maybe it's the way you're using the soup. Try eating it with a fork instead.
Patron: Even when I use the fork, the fly is still there.

Waiter: Maybe the soup is incompatible with the bowl. What kind of bowl are you using?
Patron: A SOUP bowl!

Waiter: Hmmm, that should work. Maybe it's a configuration problem.
How was the bowl set up?
Patron: You brought it to me on a saucer. What has that to do with the fly in my soup?!

Waiter: Can you remember everything you did before you noticed the fly in your soup?
Patron: I sat down and ordered the Soup of the Day!

Waiter: Have you considered upgrading to the latest Soup of the Day?
Patron: You more...

"Waiter, there's a fly swimming in my soup."
"So what do you expect me to do - call a lifeguard?"

Once upon a time, there was a non-conforming sparrow who decided not to fly south for the winter.

However, soon the weather turned so cold that he reluctantly started to fly south. In a short time, ice began to form on his wings and he fell to earth in a barnyard, almost frozen.

A cow passed by and crapped on the little sparrow. The sparrow thought it was the end. But, the manure warmed him and defrosted his wings. Warm and happy, able to breathe, he started to sing. Just then a large cat came by and, hearing the chirping, investigated the sounds.
The cat cleared away the manure, found the chirping bird and promptly ate him.

The moral of the story:

1. Everyone who craps on you is not necessarily your enemy.

2. Everyone who gets you out of the crap is not necessarily your friend.

3. And, if you're warm and happy in a pile of crap, keep your mouth shut.