Flying Jokes / Recent Jokes

A lady was expecting the plumber; he was supposed to come at ten o’clock. Ten o’clock came and went; no plumber; eleven o’clock, twelve o’clock, one o’clock; no plumber. She concluded he wasn’t coming, and went out to do some errands. While she was out, the plumber arrived. He knocked on the door; the lady’s parrot, who was at home in a cage by the door, said, “Who is it? ”He replied, “It’s the plumber. ”He thought it was the lady who’d said, “Who is it? ” and waited for her to come and let him in.
When this didn’t happen he knocked again, and again the parrot said, “Who is it? ”He said, “It’s the plumber! ”He waited, and again the lady didn’t come to let him in. He knocked again, and again the parrot said, “Who is it? ”He said, “It’s the plumber!!!!!!!! ”Again he waited; again she didn’t come; again he knocked; again the parrot said, “Who is it? ”; “Aarrrrrrgggggghhhhhhh!!! ” he said, flying into a rage; he pushed more...

One night in Metropolis, Superman was sitting at home, extremely bored and was wanting to have a quick fling.
Upon realizing that he in fact had super powers he decided to start flying around to find a suitable "partner"
After flying around for an hour Superman spotted Wonder Woman completely naked and groaning with pleasure on her bed in front of an open window.
Since he was faster than a speeding bullet he decided to quickly fly down there have sex with her and fly away
Immediately after Superman flew away, Wonder Woman sat up and said, "Did you feel that?"
"No," said the Invisible Man, "but my ass is killing me."

Dick Cheney, President Bush and his father are flying on Air Force One. Dick looks at Dubya, chuckles and says, "You know, I could throw a $100. 00 bill out the window right now and make one person very happy." Dubya shrugs his shoulders and says, "Well, I could throw ten $10. 00 bills out the window and make 10 people very happy." George Bush Senior says, "Of course then, I could throw one-hundred $1. 00 bills out the window and make a hundred people very happy." The pilot rolls her eyes, looks at all of them and says, "I could throw all of you out the window and make the whole country happy."

*** COPIED FROM A NEWSGROUP POSTING ***
(the male author was responding to a woman who accidentally walked into the men's restroom):
Please don't feel bad. It wasn't you entering the men's washroom that caused that guy to pee on the guy next to him. Hell, we do that all the time. It's rare for us guys to ever hit what were aiming for. Sometimes I go into the washroom, start to pee, and then just start spinning around; just so I'll make sure I hit something.
You see, something you ladies should understand by now is that men's penises have a mind of their own. A guy can go into a bathroom stall because all the urinals are being used, take perfect aim at the toilet, and his penis will still manage to piss all over the roll of toilet paper, down his left pant leg, and onto his shoe. I'm telling 'ya those little buggers can't be trusted.
After being married 28 years my wife has me trained. I'm no longer allowed to pee like a man - standing up. I am required to sit down more...

Your stall warning horn plays "Dixie."
Your cross country flight plan uses Flea Markets as check points.
You think sectional charts should show trailer parks.
You've ever used moonshine as avgas.
You have mud flaps on your wheel pants.
You think GPS stands for "Going Perfectly Straight."
Your toothpick keeps poking your mike.
You constantly confuse "Beechnut" with "Beechcraft."
The NTSB report quotes you as saying, "Hey y'all, watch this!" just before "uncontrolled descent into terrain."
You've ever taxied around the airport drinking beer.
You use a Purina Sack as a windsock.
You fuel your aircraft from a mason jar.
You wouldn't be caught dead flying a Grumman "Yankee."
You refer to Flying in Formation as, "We got ourselves a convoy!"
There is a sign on the side of your airplane advertising your cousin's septic tank service.
The set more...

*** COPIED FROM A NEWSGROUP POSTING ***(the male author was responding to a woman who accidentally walked into the men's restroom):Please don't feel bad. It wasn't you entering the men's washroom that caused that guy to pee on the guy next to him. Hell, we do that all the time. It's rare for us guys to ever hit what were aiming for. Sometimes I go into the washroom, start to pee, and then just start spinning around; just so I'll make sure I hit something.You see, something you ladies should understand by now is that men's penises have a mind of their own. A guy can go into a bathroom stall because all the urinals are being used, take perfect aim at the toilet, and his penis will still manage to piss all over the roll of toilet paper, down his left pant leg, and onto his shoe. I'm telling 'ya those little buggers can't be trusted.After being married 28 years my wife has me trained. I'm no longer allowed to pee like a man - standing up. I am required to sit down and pee. She has more...

10. The hours, the weather, the trend toward smaller chimneys.

9. Nike won't give him a lucrative side-contract.

8. Reindeer and elves have unionised, driving up his cost.

7. New tax on flying sleighs.

6. Insurance for flying a sleigh has tripled over the past two
years.

5. Needs extra cash to cover off-season gambling losses.

4. Air traffic controllers demanding higher kickbacks.

3. Cost of living increase at the North Pole.

2. Children don't leave as many cookies as they used to.

1. The Mrs. told him to.