Forgive Jokes / Recent Jokes

A 6-year-old was overheard reciting the Lord's Prayer at a church service: "And forgive us our trash passes, as we forgive those who passed trash against us."

Our lager,
Which art in barrels,
Hallowed be thy drink.
Thy will be drunk, (I will be drunk),
At home as it is in the pub.
Give us this day our foamy head,
And forgive us our spillage's,
As we forgive those who spill against us.
And lead us not to incarceration,
But deliver us from hangovers.
For thine is the beer, The bitter, The lager.
BARMEN.

Fed up of people making fun of him, Santa decided to change his religion. He joined a priest in a church as his assistant. One day the priest was called away for an emergency. Not wanting to leave the confessional unattended, he called Santa D'costa (his new assistant) and asked him to cover for him. Santa told him he would't know what to say, but the priest told him to stay with him for a little while and learn what to do.
Santa joined the priest and then followed him into the confessional. A few minutes later a woman came in and said,' Father forgive me for I have sinned.'
Priest:' What did you do?'
Woman:' I committed adultery.'
Priest:' How many times?'
Woman:' Three times.'
Priest:' Say two Hail Marys, put $5. 00 in the charity box, and sin no more.'
A few minutes later a man entered the confessional. He said,' Father forgive me for I have sinned.'
Priest:' What did you do?'
Man:' I committed adultery.'
Priest:' How many more...

A priest was called away for an emergency. Not wanting to leave the confessional unmanned, he called a rabbi friend up and asked him to cover for him. The rabbi told him he wouldn't know what to say, but the priest told him to come on over and he'd stay with him and show him what to do. The rabbi comes and he and the priest are in the confessional. In a few minutes a woman comes in and says "Father forgive me for I have sinned." The priest asks "What did you do?". The woman says "I Committed adultery." Priest: "How many times?" Woman: "Three times." Priest: "Say two Hail Mary's, put $5 in the box and go and sin no more." A few minutes later another woman enters the confessional. She says "Father forgive me for I have sinned." Priest: "What did you do?" Woman: "I committed adultery." Priest: "How many times?" Woman: "Three times." Priest: "Say two Hail Mary's, put $5 in more...

Three men stood in line for confession. The first
guy stood up and said, "OH PLEASE FORGIVE ME!"
The minister asked what he did, "I ran over my
cat."
The minister said he was forgiven and to go drink
the holy water. Then the second guy walked up and
said, "OH PLEASE PLEASE FORGIVE ME!"
The minister asked what he did. "I killed my wife"
The minister said he was forgiven and to drink the
holy water. Then the third guy came up and said,
"OH PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE FORGIVE ME"
The minister asked what he did and he said, "I
peed in the holy water."

It was Friday, and four nuns went to the priest at the local Catholic church to ask for the weekend off. They argued back and forth for a few minutes. Finally the priest agreed to let them leave the convent for the weekend.
"However", he said, "as soon as you get back Monday morning I want you to confess to me what you did over the weekend." The four nuns agree, and run off.
Monday comes, and the four nuns return. The first nun goes to the priest and says, "Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned." The priest asks, "What did you do, Sister?" She replies, "I watched an R-rated movie." The priest looks up at heaven for a few seconds, then replies, "You are forgiven. Go and drink the holy water."
The first nun leaves, and the fourth nun begins to chuckle quietly under her breath. The second nun then goes up to the priest and says, "Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned." The priest replies, "OK, what more...

Our beer, Which art in barrels, Hallowed be thy drink.
Thy will be drunk, I will be drunk, at home as it is in public.
Forgive us this day our daily spillage As we forgive those who spillest against us.
And lead us not into the practice of sissy wine tasting, and deliver us from DUI's for mine is the barley, the hops and the malt, forever and ever;
BARMEN