Fork Jokes / Recent Jokes

Two Chinese women were sitting in a bar when they saw two guys fighting over which culture is smartest. When the women heard this they went over and the first lady said," We know a way to figure out which culture is the smartest." The second lady answered, "Yes we do. The way you figure it out is by seeing which culture uses the less utensils in eating." The men quickly agreed to listen to the women. The first lady said," Well the Indians use their hands to eat but their hands have five fingers each so they use ten utensils to eat. They aren't the smartest so next come the Americans. They use a fork but there are four tongs on the fork, so they use four utensils. Now come the Chinese. We use chopsticks and there are only two sticks so we are the smartest." As the lady finished the men sat puzzled for a second then agreed that Chinese were the smartest. As they left, the second lady said to the first, "That was a good way to get a date and them more...

Once upon a time, there was a tribe of very hostile Indians who, upon catching a person on their land, would cut the person up and make a canoe out of them. One day, three men were walking through the woods when they wandered upon the canoe-making Indian's land. They were all caught and given one death wish. The man from Italy said, "I would like one last slice of pizza before I die." So he ate his pizza and was cut up and made into a canoe. The man from America said, "I would like one last hamburger before I die." So he ate his hamburger and was cut up and made a canoe. The last man asked for a fork. "What the hell - a fork??!!! Why the hell do you want a fuckin fork???" But they got him a fork, anyways. The man took the fork and began stabbing himself with it, saying, "YER NOT MAKIN A CANOE OUT OF ME!!!"

A Frenchman, an Englishman, and a New Yorker are captured by a
fierce tribe. The chief approaches them and says, "The bad news
is that now that we've caught you, we're going to kill you and
then use your skins to build a canoe. The good news is that you
get to choose how you die."
The Frenchman says, "I take ze poison." The chief gives him some
poison, the Frenchman says, "Vive la France!" and drinks it down.
The Englishman says, "A pistol for me, please." The chief gives
him a pistol, he points it at his head, says, "God save the
queen!" and blows his brains out.
The New Yorker says, "Gimme a fork."

The chief is puzzled, but he shrugs and gives him a fork.

The New Yorker takes the fork and starts jabbing himself all over-the stomach, the sides, the chest, everywhere. There's blood gushing out all over, it's horrible.

The chief is appalled, and more...

An American will say, "Hot day!" A Canadian will say, "Hot day, eh?" meaning "It's a hot day, isn't it?" This is something deeper than spelling or pronunciation. It goes to the heart of the less-assertive Canadian character. The United States was born when Americans revolted against King George III and asserted their independence. Canada never came to a similar point of self-assertion and that little word "eh?" is their refusal even to assert that it's a hot day without inviting somebody else to verify it. One definition of a Candian is "a North American who refuses to join the revolution". Another way to tell the difference between a Canadian and an American is to invite the suspected Canuck to lunch and watch him eat. If he's really upper crust, he'll eat like an Englishman, with knife and fork held firmly in his right and left hands. He'll cut with his knife, pack the results on the back of his fork and convey the food to his mouth more...

If Restaurants Functioned Like Microsoft... Patron: Waiter! Waiter: Hi, my name is Bill, and I'll be your Support.Waiter: What seems to be the problem? Patron: There's a fly in my soup! Waiter: Try again, maybe the fly won't be there this time. Patron: No, it's still there. Waiter: Maybe it's the way you're using the soup. Try eating it with a fork instead. Patron: Even when I use the fork, the fly is still there. Waiter: Maybe the soup is incompatible with the bowl. What kind of bowl are you using? Patron: A SOUP bowl! Waiter: Hmmm, that should work. Maybe it's a configuration problem. How was the bowl set up? Patron: You brought it to me on a saucer. What has that to do with the fly in my soup?! Waiter: Can you remember everything you did before you noticed the fly in your soup? Patron: I sat down and ordered the Soup of the Day! Waiter: Have you considered upgrading to the latest Soup of the Day? Patron: You have more than one Soup of the Day each day?? Waiter: Yes, the Soup of the more...

A Frenchman, an Englishman, and a New Yorker were captured by a fierce tribe. The chief comes to them and says, "The bad news is that now that we've caught you, we're going to kill you, and then use your skins to build a canoe. The good news is that you get to choose how you die." The Frenchman says, "I take ze poison." The chief gives him some poison, the Frenchman says, "Vive la France!" and drinks it down. The Englishman says, "A pistol for me, please." The chief gives him a pistol, he points it at his head, says, "God save the queen!" and blows his brains out. The New Yorker says, "Gimme a fork." The chief is puzzled, but he shrugs and gives him a fork. The New Yorker takes the fork and starts jabbing himself all over --the stomach, the sides, the chest, everywhere. There's blood gushing out all over, it's horrible. The chief is appalled, and screams, "What are you doing???" The New Yorker looks at the chief and more...

You: Waiter. Waiter!!! I have a problem.Waiter: Yes sir. Before I can help you with your problem I need to get your zip code, phone number, and birth date.
....
Ok great thankyou. So what is the problem? You: Well there is a dead bee in the soup that you brought me.Waiter: Will you please leave our restaurant, and come back in? Then the dead bee might have disappeared.You: No I've tried that but it didn't work.Waiter: Well maybe there is something wrong with how you handled the soup? Please try using the fork.You: Well it doesn't matter if I used the fork, there is still a dead bee in my soup. Are you going to bring me another soup? Waiter: Before we can do that, I must check to see if your plate is compatible to the bowl. That might have caused the dead bee to appear in your bowl.
....
Waiter: Ok it does look compatible. Can you please tell me exactly what you where doing before you realized that there was a bee in the soup.You: Sigh, just forget it. I'll just take more...