Freezer Jokes / Recent Jokes

David received a parrot for his birthday. This parrot was fully grown with a bad attitude and terrible vocabulary. Every other word was an expletive. Those that werent expletives were, to say the least, rude. David tried hard to change the birds attitude. He was constantly saying polite words and playing soft music, he did anything he could think of. Nothing worked. When he yelled at the bird, the bird got worse. If he shook the bird, the bird got madder and ruder. Finally in a moment of desperation, David put the parrot in the freezer. For a few moments he heard the bird squawking, kicking and screaming and then suddenly, there was quiet. David was frightened that he might have actually hurt the bird and quickly opened the freezer door. The parrot calmly stepped out onto Davids extended arm and said: "Im sorry that I might have offended you with my language and actions, so I ask for your forgiven ess. I will try to correct my behavior." David was astounded at the birds more...

It was the day before Christmas and the butcher was just locking up his shop when a man began pounding on the door.
"Please let me in," the man pleaded. "I forgot to buy a turkey and my wife is going to kill me if I come home without one."
"Ok," the butcher said, opening the door for the man. "Let me go and see what I have left."
The butcher went into the freezer and discovered that all he had left was one scrawny turkey. He brought it out and showed it to the man.
"Oh, no," the man said, "that one is far too skinny. What else do you have?"
The butcher took the bird back into the freezer, waited a few minutes, and then brought the same turkey back out. This time, he turned it around and showed the man the largest end.
"Darn, that one doesn't look any better than the first," said the man. "You'd better give me both of them."

There’s this fella with a parrot. And this parrot swears like an old salt, I mean he’s a pistol. He can swear for five minutes straight without repeating himself. Trouble is, the guy who owns him is a quiet, conservative type, and the bird’s foul mouth is driving him nuts.
One day, it just gets to be too much and the guy grabs the bird by the throat, shakes him really hard, and yells, “QUIT IT! ” But this just makes the bird mad and he swears more than ever.
Then the guy gets angry and says, “OK for you, ” and locks the bird in a kitchen cabinet. This really aggravates the bird and he claws and scratches, and when the guy finally lets him out, the bird cuts loose with a stream of vulgarities that would make a sailor blush.
At that point, the guy is so mad that he throws the bird into the freezer. For the first few seconds there is a terrible din. The bird kicks and claws and thrashes. Then it suddenly gets very quiet.
At first the guy just waits, but more...

There`s a guy who owns a parrot that swears like a
sailor. He can swear for five minutes straight without
repeating himself. Trouble is, the guy who owns him is
a quiet, conservative type, and this bird`s foul
mouth is driving him crazy.
One day, it gets to be too much. The guy grabs the bird
by the throat, shakes him hard and yells, "QUIT IT!"
But this just makes the bird mad and he swears more
than ever. Then the guy gets mad and says, "OK for you."
He locks the bird in a kitchen cabinet.
This really aggravates the bird and he claws and
scratches, and when the guy finally lets him out,
the bird cuts loose with a stream of vulgarities that
would make a veteran sailor blush. At this point,
the guy is so mad that he throws,
the bird into the freezer.
For the first few seconds there is a terrible din.
The bird kicks and claws and thrashes.
Then it suddenly gets very, very quiet. more...

The pet store was selling them for $5 a piece. I thought that odd since they
were normally a couple thousand each. I decided not to look a gift horse in the
mouth. I bought 200. I like monkeys.
I took my 200 monkeys home. I have a big car. I let one drive. His name was
Sigmund. He was retarded. In fact, none of them were really bright. They kept
punching themselves in their genitals. I laughed. Then they punched my genitals.
I stopped laughing.
I herded them into my room. They didn't adapt very well to their new
environment. They would screech, hurl themselves off of the couch at high speeds
and slam into the wall. Although humorous at first, the spectacle lost its
novelty halfway into its third hour.
Two hours later I found out why all the monkeys were so inexpensive: they all
died. No apparent reason. They all just sort of dropped dead. Kind of like when
you buy a goldfish and it dies five hours later. Damn cheap monkeys.
I more...

The pet store was selling them for five cents a piece. I thought this was odd since they were normally a couple thousand. I decided not to look a gift horse in the mouth so I bought 200 of them. I like monkeys.
I took my 200 monkeys home. I have a big car. I let one of drive. His name was Sigmund. He was retarded. In fact, none of them were really bright. They kept punching themselves in the genitals. I laughed. They punched me in the genitals. I stopped laughing.
I herded them into my room. They didn't adapt very well to their new environment. They would screech and hurl themselves off the couch at high speeds and slam into the wall. Although humorous at first, the spectacle lost its novelty halfway into it's third hour.
Two hours later I found out why all the monkeys were so inexpensive; they all died. No apparent reason. They all just sort of dropped dead. Kinda like when you buy a goldfish and it dies five hours later. Goddamn cheap monkeys.
I didn't know what to more...

The pet store was selling them for five cents a piece. I thought this was odd since they were normally a couple thousand. I decided not to look a gift horse in the mouth so I bought 200 of them. I like monkeys.
I took my 200 monkeys home. I have a big car. I let one of drive. His name was Sigmund. He was retarded. In fact, none of them were really bright. They kept punching themselves in the genitals. I laughed. They punched me in the genitals. I stopped laughing.
I herded them into my room. They didn't adapt very well to their new environment. They would screech and hurl themselves off the couch at high speeds and slam into the wall. Although humorous at first, the spectacle lost its novelty halfway into its third hour.
Two hours later I found out why all the monkeys were so inexpensive; they all died. No apparent reason. They all just sort of dropped dead. Kinda like when you buy a goldfish and it dies five hours later. Goddamn cheap monkeys.
I didn't know what to more...