Freezer Jokes / Recent Jokes

Sachin received a parrot for his birthday. This parrot was fully grown with a bad attitude and worse vocabulary. Every other word was an expletive. Those that weren't expletives were, to say the least, rude.
Sachin tried hard to change the bird's attitude and was constantly saying polite words, playing soft music, anything that came to mind. Nothing worked. He yelled at the bird, the bird got worse. He shook the bird and the bird got madder and ruder.
Finally, in a moment of desperation, Sachin put the parrot in the freezer. For a few moments he heard the bird squawking, kicking and screaming and then, suddenly, all was quiet.
Sachin was frightened that he might have actually hurt the bird and quickly opened the freezer door.
The parrot calmly stepped out onto Sachin's extended arm and said: "I'm sorry that I offended you with my language and actions. I ask for your forgiveness. I will try to check my behavior..."
Sachin was astounded at the bird's change more...

It's the day before Thanksgiving, and the butcher is just locking up when a man begins pounding on the front door."Please let me in," says the man desperately. "I forgot to buy a turkey, and my wife will kill me if I don't come home with one.""Okay," says the butcher. "Let me see what I have left." He goes into the freezer and discovers that there's only one scrawny turkey left. He brings it out to show the man."That's one is too skinny. What else you got?" says the man. The butcher takes the bird back into the freezer and waits a few minutes and brings the same turkey back out to the man."Oh, no," says the man, "That one doesn't look any better. You better give me both of them!"

Ben had received a parrot for his birthday. It was full grown and, although very beautiful, had a nasty attitude and an even worse vocabulary. Every other word that came out of the parrot's mouth was an expletive and those that weren't were, to put it mildly, downright rude.
Ben tried diligently to change the bird's attitude. He always used polite words, played soft music, did anything he could think of, but nothing seemed to work.
He yelled at the bird, but the bird got worse. He shook the bird, but that only made him worse too. Finally, in a moment of desperation, he put the parrot in the freezer.
For a few moments he was able to hear the bird squawking, swearing, kicking and screaming. Then, suddenly, there was absolute quiet.
Afraid that he had actually caused harm to the parrot, Ben quickly opened the freezer door.
The parrot calmly stepped out onto Ben's extended arm and said, "I deeply apologize if I offended you with my language and my actions and beg more...

Two blondes meet in Heaven. "How did you die?", the first one asks."Oh! I died in a freezer," the second blonde replied." So how did you die?" The second blonde asks, "Well, I suspected my husband was having an affair, so one day when I came home early from work, I looked all over the house, trying to look for the other woman because I saw that my husband was naked. When I coming upstairs from searching the basement, I slipped and broke my neck. I never got to find that woman," replied the first blonde. The second blonde then says, "If only you looked in the freezer, maybe we both might still have been alive!"

David received a parrot for his birthday. This parrot was fully grown with a bad attitude and terrible vocabulary. Every other word was an expletive. Those that weren't expletives were, to say the least, rude. David tried hard to change the bird's attitude. He was constantly saying polite words and playing soft music, he did anything he could think of. Nothing worked. When he yelled at the bird, the bird got worse. If he shook the bird, the bird got madder and ruder. Finally in a moment of desperation, David put the parrot in the freezer. For a few moments he heard the bird squawking, kicking and screaming and then suddenly, there was quiet. David was frightened that he might have actually hurt the bird and quickly opened the freezer door. The parrot calmly stepped out onto David's extended arm and said: "I'm sorry that I might have offended you with my language and actions, so I ask for your forgiven ess. I will try to correct my behavior." David was astounded at the bird's more...

There's this fellow with a parrot. And the parrot swears like a sailor. I mean he's a pistol. He can swear for five minutes straight without repeating himself. Trouble is, the guy who owns him is a quiet, polite, conservative type, and this bird's foul mouth is driving him crazy. One day, it gets to be too much, so the guy grabs the parrot by the throat, shakes him really hard, and yells, 'QUIT IT!'. This just makes the bird mad and he swears more than ever. Then the guy gets mad and says 'OK for you' and locks the bird in a kitchen cabinet. This really aggravates the bird and he claws and scratches. When the guy finally lets him out, the bird cuts loose with a stream of vulgarities that would make a veteran sailor blush. At that point, the guy is so mad that he throws the bird into the freezer. For the first few seconds there is a terrible din. The bird kicks and claws and thrashes and uses words Lenny Bruce and George Carlin NEVER thought about trying to use in their acts. Then more...

So there's this fella with a parrot. And this parrot swears like a sailor, I mean he's a pistol.
He can swear for five minutes straight without repeating himself. Trouble is, the guy who owns
him is a quiet, conservative type, and this bird's foul mouth is driving him crazy. One day, it
gets to be too much, so the guy grabs the bird by the throat, shakes him really hard, and yells,
"QUIT IT!" But this just makes the bird mad and he swears more than ever. Then the guy gets mad
and says, "OK for you." and locks the bird in a kitchen cabinet. This really aggravates the bird
and he claws and scratches, and when the guy finally lets him out, the bird cuts loose with a
stream of vulgarities that would make a veteran sailor blush.
At that point, the guy is so mad that he throws the bird into the freezer. For the first few
seconds there is a terrible din. The bird kicks and claws and thrashes. Then it suddenly gets
very more...