Freezer Jokes / Recent Jokes
The pet store was selling them for five cents a piece. I thought this was odd since they were normally a couple thousand. I decided not to look a gift horse in the mouth so I bought 200 of them. I like monkeys.
I took my 200 monkeys home. I have a big car. I let one of drive. His name was Sigmund. He was retarded. In fact, none of them were really bright. They kept punching themselves in the genitals. I laughed. They punched me in the genitals. I stopped laughing.
I herded them into my room. They didn’t adapt very well to their new environment. They would screech and hurl themselves off the couch at high speeds and slam into the wall. Although humorous at first, the spectacle lost its novelty halfway into it’s third hour.
Two hours later I found out why all the monkeys were so inexpensive; they all died. No apparent reason. They all just sort of dropped dead. Kinda like when you buy a goldfish and it dies five hours later. Goddamn cheap monkeys.
I didn’t know more...
So there's this fella with a parrot. And this parrot swears like a sailor, I
mean he's a pistol. He can swear for five minutes straight without repeating
himself. Trouble is, the guy who owns him is a quiet, conservative type, and
this bird's foul mouth is driving him crazy.
One day, it gets to be too much, so the guy grabs the bird by the throat,
shakes him really hard, and yells, "QUIT IT!" But this just makes the bird mad
and he swears more than ever.
Then the guy gets mad and says, "OK for you." and locks the bird in a kitchen
cabinet.
This really aggravates the bird and he claws and scratches, and when the guy
finally lets him out, the bird cuts loose with a stream of invective that
would make a veteran sailor blush.
At that point, the guy is so mad that he throws the bird into the freezer.
For the first few seconds there is a terrible din. The bird kicks and claws
and thrashes. Then it suddenly gets more...
Q: What's the difference between erotic and kinky?
A: Erotic is when you use a feather; kinky is when you use the
whole chicken.
Q: How can you tell if a bank robber is gay?
A: He ties up the safe and blows the guard.
Q: How can you tell if you're in a gay church?
A: Only half the congregation is kneeling.
Q: How can you tell the difference between a straight rodeo
and a gay rodeo?
A: At a straight rodeo they yell "Ride them suckers!"
Q: What's the difference between a freezer and a fag?
A: A freezer doesn't fart when you pull the meat out.
Q: Whats the most popular pick up line in a gay bar?
A: "May I push in your stool?"
Q: Which is better, being born black or gay?
A: Black, because you don't have to tell your parents.
Q: How can you spot the blind guy in a nudist colony?
A: It's not hard.
Q: What do you call a man with no arms or legs, with a ten
inch penis?
A: more...
Harry picks up his Viagra prescription at the pharmacy. Eager to try it out, he takes one as soon as he gets home and anxiously waits for his wife to get home from work. In his excitement, he leaves the open package on the table and his parrot gobbles down all of the pills. Seeing the results and panicking, Harry grabs the parrot and sticks him in the freezer to cool off.
Unfortunately, Harry's Viagra kicks in just as his wife walks through the door and hours pass before he remembers the parrot. He rushes to look in the freezer, fearing the worst, but finds the bird breathing heavily, dripping with sweat and totally exhausted.
"What happened?" exclaims Harry. "You've been in there for hours, yet you're not only alive, you're sweating like crazy."
Panting, the parrot says, "Listen, pal, have you ever tried to pry apart the legs of a frozen chicken?!?"
So there's this fella with a parrot. And this parrot swears like a sailor - I mean he's a pistol. He can swear for 5 minutes straight without repeating himself. Trouble is, the guy who owns him is a quiet, conservative type, and this bird's fowl mouth is driving him crazy.
One day, it gets to be too much, so the guy grabs the bird by the throat, shakes him really hard, and yells, "QUIT IT!". But this just makes the bird mad and he swears more than ever. Then the guy gets mad and says, "OK for you!" and locks the bird in a kitchen cabinet. This really aggravates the bird and he claws and scratches, and when the guy finally lets him out, the bird cuts loose with a stream of invective that would make a veteran sailor blush.
At that point, the guy is so mad that he throws the bird into the freezer. For the first few seconds there is a terrible din. The bird kicks and claws and thrashes. Then it suddenly gets_very_quiet.
At first the guy more...
Editor's note: Someone forwarded me this little essay, and although I really don't know the point, it's weird enough to warrant a posting.
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i like monkeys
the pet store was selling them for five cents a piece. i thought this was odd since they are normally a couple thousand. i decided not to look a gift horse in the mouth so i bought 200 of them. i like monkeys.
i took my 200 monkeys home. i have a big car. i let one drive. his name was signund. he was retarded. in fact, none of them were really bright. they kept punching themselves in the genitals. i laughed. they punched me in the genitals. i stopped laughing.
i herded them into my room. they didn't adapt very well to their new environment. they would screech and hurl themselves off the couch at high speeds and slam into the wall. altough humorous at first, the spectacle lost its novelty halfway into the third hour.
two hours later, i found out why all more...