Frenchman Jokes / Recent Jokes

A Frenchman, an Englishman, and a New Yorker are captured by a
fierce tribe. The chief approaches them and says, "The bad news
is that now that we've caught you, we're going to kill you and
then use your skins to build a canoe. The good news is that you
get to choose how you die."
The Frenchman says, "I take ze poison." The chief gives him some
poison, the Frenchman says, "Vive la France!" and drinks it down.
The Englishman says, "A pistol for me, please." The chief gives
him a pistol, he points it at his head, says, "God save the
queen!" and blows his brains out.
The New Yorker says, "Gimme a fork."

The chief is puzzled, but he shrugs and gives him a fork.

The New Yorker takes the fork and starts jabbing himself all over-the stomach, the sides, the chest, everywhere. There's blood gushing out all over, it's horrible.

The chief is appalled, and more...

A redneck is walking along the beach in France. There are many beautiful women lying in the sun, and he really wants to meet one. But try as he might, the women don't seem to be at all interested. Finally, as a last resort, he walks up to a French guy lying on the beach who is surrounded by adoring women.
"Excuse me," he says, taking the guy aside, "but I've been trying to meet one of those women for about an hour now, and I just can't seem to get anywhere with them. You're French. You know these women. What do they want?"
"Maybe I can help a leetle beet," says the Frenchman. "What you do ees you go to zee store. You buy a leetle bikini sweeming suit. You walk up and down zee beach. You meet girl very qweekly zees way."
"Wow! Thanks!" says the redneck, and off he goes to the store. He buys a skimpy red bathing suit, puts it on, and goes back to the beach. He parades up and down the beach but still has no luck with the more...

A young English girl was holidaying in Paris and went to a well known night spot, here she was approached by a handsome Frenchman(if there is such a thing:). The Frenchman propositioned the girl, eventually she succumbed to his Gallic charm.
She went with him to his flat, had a drink of wine but, was then very surprised when instead of leading her into his bedroom to make wild passionate love to her he insists on having her against the wall in the lounge.
Afterwards she asked him why?
"Mon Cherie, all Frenchmen know," he explained, "that the English are always their best when their backs are against the wall!"

A Briton, a Frenchman and a Russian are viewing a painting of Adam and Eve frolicking in the Garden of Eden. "Look at their reserve, their calm," muses the Brit. "They must be British."
"Nonsense," the Frenchman disagrees. "They're naked, and so beautiful. Clearly, they are French."
"No clothes, no shelter," the Russian points out, "they have only an apple to eat, and they're being told this is paradise. They are Russian."

An American was watching a cricket match and happened to speak to a Frenchman.

'Who's the guy with the ball?' he asked.

'Je ne sais pas,' answered the Frenchman.

After the match, they chanced to meet at the bar. Trying to attract the barman's attention, the American said,' What's his name?'

'Je ne sais pas,' said the Frenchman.

'What?' said the American.' Does he do everything around here?'

A Frenchman and an Italian were seated next to an American on an overseas flight. After a few cocktails, the men began discussing their home lives.
"Last night, I made love to my wife four times," the Frenchman bragged, "and this morning she made me delicious crepes and she told me how much she adored me."
"Ah, last night I made love to my wife six times," the Italian responded, "and this morning she made me a wonderful omelet and told me she could never love another man."
When the American remained silent, the Frenchman smugly asked, "And how many times did you make love to your wife last night?"
"Once," he replied.
"Only once?" the Italian arrogantly snorted. "And what did she say to you this morning?"
"Don't stop."

A Russian, a Frenchman and a Polak were lined up for a firing squad. Thinking fast, the Russian yelled "Flood!" The soldiers turned to look and the Russian escaped. Taking his cue, the Frenchman yelled, "Tornado!". Again the soldiers turned and the Frenchman escaped. Thinking he`s got the idea, the Polak yells "fire!"