Fridge Jokes / Recent Jokes

One morning at a doctors surgery a patient arrives complaining of serious back-ache. The doctor examines him and asks him" OK, what happened your back?"
The patient replies "You know that I work for a local night club? This morning I got home to my apartment early and heard a noise in my bedroom. On entering I knew someone had been with my wife and the balcony door was open. I rushed out the balcony door and did not find anyone. As I looked down from the balcony I saw a man running out and he was dressing himself. I grabbed the fridge and threw it at him, That's how I strained my back"
The 2nd patient arrives looking as if he has been in a car wreck. The doctor said "My previous patient was looked bad, but you look terrible. What the hell happened to you?"
He replied, "You know I have been unemployed for a while now. Today was the first day at my new job. I forgot to set my alarm and was running late. I was running out of the building, more...

SHOPPING FOR WOMEN

1. Park the car

2. Get a cart

3. Fill the cart with useful things in a record time.

4. Put the shopping in a rational way (All the fridge stuff together, groceries in a separate bag, etc)

5. Pay

6. Go back home.

7. Empty the bags and tidy everything up.

SHOPPING FOR MEN

1. Park the car

2. Get into the store.

3. Get out of the store and pick a cart.

4. Get into the store.

5. Stroll through all the corridors of the store.

6. Stop by the magazines and browse the last "Sport Illustrated"

7. Buy a pair of socks, 2 frozen pizzas, a case of beer, Sausages, pistachios and a comic (Optional: Foldable swimming pool in winter, two helmets for the kids in case they are going to use the bicycles, fertilizer (also in winter), some tools that he might use some day).

8. Don't worry about milk, bread more...

You might be a redneck if you have to go outside to get something from your fridge!

1. How many honest, intelligent, caring men in the world does it take to do the dishes? Both of them.

2. How does a man show that he is planning for the future?
He buys two cases of beer.

3. What is the difference between men and government bonds?
The bonds mature.

4. Why are blonde jokes so short?
So men can remember them.

5. Why are married women heavier than single women?
Single women come home, see what''s in the fridge and go to bed.
Married women come home, see what''s in bed and go to the fridge.

6. Why is it difficult to find men who are sensitive, caring and good looking?
They all already have boyfriends.

7. What do you call a woman who knows where her husband is every night?
A widow.

PART 1
QNS: How do you put an elephant in a fridge in 3 steps?
ANS: 1) Open the fridge door
2) put the elephant in
3) Close the door
Qns: How do u put a giraffe in a fridge in 4 steps?
ANS: 1) open the fridge door
2) take out the elephant
3) put in the giraffe
4) close the door
PART 2
Qns :There was a forest fire somewhere and Tarzan's job was to call out all the animals so that he can take them to a safe place. He kept calling and calling out to all the animals and all of them turned up except one. What animal was it and why?
Ans: giraffe....
...because it is still in the fridge

How do you get an elephant into the fridge?
1. Open door.
2. Insert elephant.
3. Close door.
How do you get a giraffe into the fridge?
1. Open door.
2. Remove elephant.
3. Insert giraffe.
4. Close door.
How do you know there are *two* elephants in your fridge?
The door won't close.
How do you know there are *three* elephants in your fridge?
There'll be one waiting outside in the Mini.
How can you tell that an elephant has been in your fridge?
By the footprints in the butter.

What do you do if your boyfriend walks out?
Close the door
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How many men does it take to wallpaper a bathroom?
Three, if you slice them very thinly.
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How many men does it take to change a toilet roll?
We don't know, its never happened
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Why do men get married?
So they don't have to hold their stomachs in anymore.
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How do you get a man to do sit-ups?
Put the remote control between his toes.
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Why are dumb blonde jokes so short?
So men can remember them.
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What did God say after creating man?
I must be able to do better than that.
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What did God say after she made Eve?
"Practice makes perfect."
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What's the difference between men and government more...