Frog Jokes / Recent Jokes
One day a twelve-year-old walks into a whorehouse dragging a dead frog on a string behind him. He slaps a hundred-dollar bill on the counter and says, "I want one of your women."
The madam looks at him and says, "Don't you think you're a bit young for that?"
He slaps another hundred on the counter and says, "I want one of your women."
The madam says, "Okay have a seat, she'll be down in about twenty minutes."
He slaps another hundred on the counter and says, "She has to have active herpes."
The madam starts to sputter and asks why, but he slaps another hundred on the counter and says, "Active herpes."
She responds, "Okay have a seat - it'll be about ten minutes." Ten minutes later, a woman comes out, they go upstairs (dragging this dead frog) and do their deal.
As he's leaving, the madam asks him, "Okay why did you want someone with active herpes?"
The kid replies, more...
A middle-aged man was golfing one day, and as he was about to hit the 18th hole, he suddenly heard "ribbit 9 iron". He looked around, but seeing nobody but a frog, he went back to his business of golfing. Again, the voice said "ribbit 9 iron". He looked around again and his eyes landed on the frog. He said "well mister frog, I guess i will give it a try. i have nothing to lose." So he got his 9 iron out of his bag and proceeded to hit a hole in one. He picked up the frog and said "by golly, you ARE a lucky frog. where shall we go to see just how lucky you really are?" and the frog replied "ribbit los vagas."
So the man and his frog got on the next plane to Los Vagas. When they arrived, the man asked, "where to now?" and the frog replied "Ribbit casino". They walked into the nearest casino, and the man asked "what shall we play?" and the frog said "ribbit rulette". The pair walked over more...
I'd like a new frog, please. But you bought one only yesterday. What happened? It Kermit-ted suicide.
A guy goes to see the doctor, because he's been a little too well endowed, shall we say. In fact, it's 25 inches long. Can't get any women to have sex with him. No men either, one would think. Anyway, the doctor says there's nothing he can do medically, but sends him to see a witch that he thinks might be able to help.
Witch takes a look at the problem (yikes!) and tells him to go to a particular pond, deep in the forest, and talk to a frog that lives there. "Ask the frog to marry you and each time the frog says no, you'll be 5 inches shorter."
Worth a try, he thinks, and off he dashes into the forest, as anyone in this sort of joke would. Finds the pond and sees the frog on the other side, sitting on a log. "Will you marry me?" he calls to the frog.
Frog looks at him, disinterested at best, and calls back, "No."
Guy looks down, sure enough, he's 5 inches shorter. Hey, this is great, he thinks -- let's try that more...
One day, this lady is golfing, and she hits her ball in the woods. she goes to look for it, and intead finds a frog in a trap.
Hey, it says. Let me go and I'll grant you 3 wishes.
Ok, she says. So she frees it, and it says,
Sorry, forgot to tell you. whatever you get, your husband gets ten times the amount of whatever it is you wish for.
Ok, fine.
So, the frog asks, what's your first wish?
I want to be the most beautiful women in the world.
Fine, it says. Suddenly, she's gorgeous.
You are the most beatiful woman. But now your husband is ten times more handsom than you.
Thats ok, she say. He only has eyes for me.
Whats your second wish? it asks her.
I want to be the richest woman in the world. The frog then says, ok, but now your husband is ten times richer.
Thats ok she says. Whats his is mine, whats mine is his.
OK, the frog says. that is your last wish. what is it gonna be?
I want a mild heart attack.
Whats white on the outside, green on the inside and comes with relish and onions? A hot frog!