Frog Jokes / Recent Jokes
A lonely frog, desparate for any form of company telephoned the Psychic Hotline to find out what his future has in store. His Personal Psychic Advisor advises him, "You are going to meet a beautiful young girl who will want to know everything about you." The frog is thrilled and says, "This is great! Where will I meet her, at work, at a party?" "No" says the psychic, "in a Biology class.
A golfer was standing in the fairway, about 140 yards out, when a frog whispered from the rough, "Use an 8-iron."
The golfer, deep in concentration, pulled out his 8-iron and hit the shot. It rolled right into the cup for an eagle.
"Now take me to Vegas," said the frog.
"What?" said the startled golfer, suddenly realizing it was a talking frog.
"You heard me," repeated the frog, "take me to Vegas. I'm obviously a lucky fog and we'll make a bundle!"
So the golfer picked up the frog and they flew to Vegas.
In the casino, the frog whispered, "Go to the dice table and bet everything on the pass line."
The shooter rolled a seven, and the man with the frog won $100,000. Then the guy took the frog upstairs to his room and the frog said, "Kiss me."
When he did, the frog turned into the most beautiful girl you've ever seen - deep blue eyes, blond hair, a beautiful smile, and 16 years more...
Q: If a plane crashed on the border of England and Scotland, where would they bury the survivors?
A: you don`t bury survivors Q: Twelve pears hanging high, twelve men passing by, each took a pear and left eleven hanging there. How can this be? How can eleven pears be left?
A: `Each` is a mans name! Q: If there`s a frog, dead in the centre of a lilypad which is right in the middle of the pond, which side would it jump to?
A: neither, the frog is dead! Q: You`re a bus driver. At the first stop 4 people get on. At the second stop 8 people on, at the third stop 2 people get off and, at the forth stop everyone got off. The question is what color are the bus drivers eyes?
A: The same as yours, you`re the bus driver. Q: What never gets any wetter, no matter how much it rains?
A: The sea! Q: A man went outside in the pouring rain with no protection, but not a hair on his head got wet... how come?
A: He was bald. Q: David`s father has three sons: Snap, Crackle and more...
Mrs Goldstein’s golfing special
Mrs Goldstein was out golfing one day when she hit her ball into the woods. She went into the woods to look for it and found a frog in a trap. The frog looked up at her and said, "If you release me from this trap, I will grant you three wishes."
Not a person to miss a trick, Mrs Goldstein immediately freed the frog. The frog thanked her and said "I’m sorry but I failed to mention that there is a condition to your wishes -- that whatever you wish for yourself, Mr Goldstein will get ten times more or better!"
Mrs Goldstein replied, "That’s OK – I’m happy to accept your condition. For my first wish, I want to be the most beautiful woman in the world.” The frog warned her, "You do realise that this wish will also make Mr Goldstein the most handsome man in the world, women will flock to him like bees to honey."
Mrs Goldstein replied, "It’s not a problem, because I will be the most more...
A princess is walking along a pond in the royal gardens when she looks down and sees a really ugly frog.
Picking the frog up, she comments on the creature's rather hideous appearance.
Princess: "My, my, my... you are really an ugly frog!"
Frog: "I know, I know, I got a really bad spell on me."
Princess: "Well I've seen frogs with spells, but none as ugly as you."
Frog: "Look, leave me alone lady! I told you, it's a really bad spell."
Princess: "Well even so,... if I kiss you, then will you turn into a prince?"
Frog: "I don't know lady, a spell this bad will probably take a blow job!"
There's that man, who has a cock 50 cm long. And he can't get fucked, cause' no lady can take it that sky-high. Well, he's desperate and the only way out seems the Ookaburra witch. Well, the man decides to seek help from the witch. Entering the dark cottage, a voice speaks: "I know why You are here... 3 kilometers east from here there is a swamp. In the middle of the swamp on a stone sits the largest frog on earth. If You get him to answer "no" to one of Your questions, Your cock will get 10 cm shorter."
Well, in the swamp they meet and after a little thought he asks: "Frog, will you marry me?" - "No"
The man goes behind a small tree and checks it out - wow! 10 cm shorter!
Well, surely enough he goes again and asks: "Frog, will you marry me?" - "No!"
He goes behind the tree again and looks: only 30 cm long! 20 cm would be just right...
Again, he asks: "Frog, will you marry me?" - "How many more...