Garage Jokes / Recent Jokes

A man was reading the morning newspaper when an ad caught his eye. The ad clearly announced, "Porche For Sale. New! $500!". The man thought it was very unusual to sell a Porche for $500 and figured it was probably a joke, but thought he'd check it out anyhow.
He went to the house of the woman who was selling the Porche and she led him into the garage. Much to his surprise, inside the garage was an almost brand new Porche.
"Wow! "Would it be all right if I take it for a test drive?" he asked, feeling sure that there must be something terribly wrong with the car.
"Sure," the woman said. Unlike what he expected, the car ran perfectly.
When he got back to her house, he asked, "Why are you selling this great car for only $500?"
The woman laughed and replied, "Well, my husband just ran off with his receptionist and he told me I could have the house and the furniture, but I was to sell his Porche and send him the more...

Young Justin has a cursing problem, and his father’s getting tired of it.

He decides to ask a shrink what to do. The shrink says, “Negative reinforcement. Since Christmas is coming up, ask Justin what he wants from Santa. If he curses while he tells you his wish list, leave a pile of dog poop in place of each gift he requests.”

Two days before Christmas, Justin’s father asks him what he wants for Christmas. “I want a damn teddy bear lying beside me when I wake up. When I go downstairs, I want to see a damn train going around the damn tree. And when I go outside, I want to see a damn bike leaning up against the damn garage.”

On Christmas morning, Justin wakes up and rolls into a pile of dog poop. Confused, he walks downstairs and sees another pile under the tree. He walks outside, looks at a huge pile of dog poo by the garage, and walks inside. His dad smiles and asks, “What did Santa bring you this year?”

Justin replies, “I more...

The "Stella" awards rank up there with the Darwin awards. Stella Liebeck is the 81 year old lady who spilled coffee on herself and sued McDonalds. This case inspired an annual award: The "Stella" Award - for the most frivolous lawsuits in the U. S.
The following are this year's candidates:
1. January 2000: Kathleen Robertson of Austin, Texas was awarded $780, 000 by a jury of her peers after breaking her ankle tripping over a toddler who was running inside a furniture store. The owners of the store were understandably surprised at the verdict, considering the misbehaving little brat was Ms. Robertson's son.
2. June 1998: A 19 year old Carl Truman of Los Angeles won $74, 000 and medical expenses when his neighbor ran over his hand with a Honda Accord. Mr. Truman apparently didn't notice there was someone at the wheel of the car, when he was trying to steal his neighbor's hubcaps.
3. October 1998: A Terrence Dickson of Bristol, Pennsylvania was more...

Two Back Tires-
One day two families were at a nude beach the youngest boy and the youngest girl meet in the woods.
The boy askes the little girl "Whats that?" the little girl says "I don't know i'll go ask my mom."
so she goes and askes her mom and her mom says "thats your garage don't let anybody park there car in there."
so the litle girl goes back and tells the boy and she askes him "whats that?" the little boy says "I don't know i'll go ask my dad"
His dad says "Thats your car you can park it in any garage you want." so the little boy goes back and tells the girl.
Fifteen mins. later the girl comes up to her mom with blood on her hands her mom says "what happen?" the little girl looks at her and says
"Some boy tried to park his car in my garage so i tore off his TWO BACK TIRES."

Ever notice that the laws of household physics are every bit as real as every other law in the universe? Here are a few examples:
1. A child's eagerness to assist in any project varies in inverse proportion to the ability to actually do the work involved.
2. Leftovers always expand to fill all available containers plus one.
3. A newly washed window gathers dirt at double the speed of an unwashed window.
4. The availability of a ballpoint pen is inversely proportional to how badly it is needed.
5. The same clutter that will fill a one-car garage will fill a two-car garage.
6. Three children plus two cookies equals a fight.
7. The potential for disaster is in direct proportion to the number of TV remote controls divided by the number of viewers.
8. The number of doors left open varies inversely with the outdoor temperature.
9. The capacity of any hot water heater is equal to one and one-half sibling showers.
10.What goes up must come down, except more...

Mummy and Daddy are in the bath with their children, a little boy and a little girl (perverted family I know!!) when the little girl points to her mother's lower regions and says' Mummy, what is that down there?', to which her mother replies' That is my multi-story car park, you have a garage'. Satisfied the little girl continues playing with her ducks.

A little while later the little boy looks at his father and says' Daddy, what is that bobbing about in the water?' to which his father replies' That is my Rolls Royce, you have a Mini'. Satisfied the little boy carries on splashing his sister. The adults get out and go down stairs.

Five minutes later they here this terrible screaming coming from the bath room. When they get there, the little boy is screaming his head off and there is blood everywhere.

The mum looks at her daughter and asks what happened to which the little girl calmly replies,' he tried to put his mini in my garage so I ripped his back more...

Little Johnny had a cussing problem and his father was getting tired of it. He decided to ask his shrink what to do.
The shrink said that, since Christmas was coming up that he should ask Johnny what he wanted Santa to bring him. If he cussed, he should leave a pile of dog shit in place of the gift.
Two days before Christmas, Johnny's dad asked Johnny what he wanted. Johnny said, "I want a goddamned teddy-bear laying right fuckin here beside me when I wake-up Christmas morning.
Then, when I go downstairs I want to see a motherfuckin' train going around the goddamned tree, and when I go outside I want to see a red-assed fuckin' bike leaning up against the damn garage!"
Christmas morning, Little Johnny woke up and rolled over into a big pile of dog shit. Confused, he walked downstairs and saw a bunch of dog shit around the Christmas tree. Scratching his head, he walked outside and saw a huge pile of dog shit by the garage. When he walked back inside with a more...