Garbage Jokes / Recent Jokes

WHATS THE DIFFRENCE BETTEWEEN A FAT UGLY GIRL AND A GARBAGE CAN?
THE GARBAGE CAN GETS TAKE OUT ONCE A WEEK

The following is supposedly a true story. To be included, besides being true, the story is most likely strange, weird, surprising, or funny. Phone Company Gives Something for NothingDear Ann, I think I can top the person who wrote complaining about the idiocy of the phone company. Talk about garbage in, garbage out! When AT&T split with Bell, we had three phones in our house. The equipment belonged to Ma Bell and the service belonged to AT&T. After we returned all the phone equipment to Ma Bell, we received a bill for $0. 00. A few weeks later, we received a check for $5 and a note thanking us. Several months later, we received another computerized bill for $0. 00. We called again, got nowhere, so we sent another check for $0. 00. A few weeks later we received another $5 refund with the same thank you. This went on every three months for two years. Now we are down to once a year and have given up trying to straighten this out. We just cash the $5 and forget about it.-- Linda K. R. in more...

A father is asked by his friend, "Has your son decided what he wants to be when he grows up?"

"Yes, he wants to be a garbage collector," he replies.

To this his friend responds, "Strange ambition to have for a career."

"Well, he thinks that garbage collectors only work on Tuesdays!"

My wife and I have the secret to making a marriage last
1. Two times a week, we go to a nice restaurant,
have a little wine, some good food and companionship.
She goes on Tuesday's, and I go on Friday's.
2. We also sleep in separate beds. Hers is in Delhi
and mine is in Kerala.
3. I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back.
4. I asked my wife where she wanted to go for our
anniversary. "Somewhere I haven't been in a
long time!" she said. So I suggested the kitchen.
5. We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.
6. She has an electric blender, electric toaster,
and electric bread maker. Then she said,
"There are too many gadgets, and no place to
sit down!" So I bought her an electric chair.
7. My wife told me the car wasn't running well
because there was water in the carburetor.
I asked where the car was, she told me, "In the lake."
8. She got a more...

I
take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her
way back.
My wife and I have the secret to making a marriage
last. Two times a week, we go to a nice restaurant,
a little wine, good food... She goes Tuesdays,
I go Fridays.
Someone stole all my credit cards, but I won't
be reporting it. The thief spends less than my
wife did.
She has an electric blender, electric toaster,
electric bread maker. Then she said "There
are too many gadgets, and no place to sit down!" So
what did I do? Bought her an electric chair.
My wife drives the wrong way on a one way street.
The cop pulled her over and asked, "Where
are you going?" My wife said, "I must
be late, everyone is all coming back!"
She got a mudpack and looked great for two days.
Then the mud fell off.
She ran after the garbage truck, yelling, "Am
I too late for the garbage?" Following her
down the street I more...

Recently a teacher, a garbage collector, and a lawyer wound up together at the Pearly Gates. St. Peter informed them that in order to get into Heaven, they would each have to answer one question. St. Peter addressed the teacher and asked, "What was the name of the ship that crashed into theiceberg? They just made a movie about it." The teacher answered quickly, "That would be the Titanic." St. Peter let him through the gate. St. Peter turned to the garbage man and, figuring Heaven didn't REALLY need all the odors that this guy would bring with him, decided to make the question a little harder: "How many people died on the ship?" Fortunately for him, the trash man had just seen the movie and answered, "about 1, 500." "That's right! You may enter." St. Peter then turned to the lawyer. "Name them."

In California (especially Silicon Valley), we don't gripe about the
weather-we gripe about the high cost of housing. For those of you
just starting out (or for those of you who have already been there),
allow me to offer you:
The Complete Guide to Apartment Ad Deciphering
***
What They Say What It Means
spacious hole in the wall
to anyone living in their car
that's why we're charging $200 above the
going rate
easy access to transportation Particularly in Mountain View and
Sunnyvale, this can mean:
A. in the flight path of Moffet Field
(b) next to the railroad tracks
(c) next to a major road/freeway/highway
(d) a&b, b&c, c&a above
(e) all of the above
friendly staff Doberman pincher mentality
free utilities That's the only way we can entice people
in this dump.
Would you pay this high rent AND the
water and garbage?
heated pool only when the sun's out
only when there's water in more...