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Top Ten Reasons Why God Created Eve
10. God was worried that Adam would frequently become lost in the Garden.
9. God knew that one day Adam would require someone to locate and hand him the remote.
8. God knew Adam would never go out and buy himself a new fig leaf when his wore out and would therefore need Eve to buy one for him.
7. God knew Adam would never be able to make a doctor's, dentist, or haircut appointment for himself.
6. God knew Adam would never remember which night to put the garbage on the curb.
5. God knew if the world was to be populated, men would never be able to handle the pain and discomfort of childbearing.
4. As the Keeper of the Garden, Adam would never remember where he left his tools.
3. Apparently, Adam needed someone to blame his troubles on when God caught him hiding in the garden.
2. As the Bible says, It is not good for man to be alone.
And finally, the Number 1 reason why God created Eve...
1. When God finished more...

Two builders (Paddy and Shamus) are seated either side of table in a rough pub when a well-dressed man enters, orders a Guinness and sits on a stool at the bar.
So Paddy and Shamus start to speculate about the occupation of the suit...
Paddy: I reckon he's an accountant. Shamus: No bleedin way, he's a stockbroker. Paddy: He ain't no bleedin stockbroker! A stockbroker wouldn't be seen dead in here!
The argument repeats itself for some time until the volume of Guinness gets the better of Paddy and he makes for the toilet.
On entering the toilet he sees that the suit is standing at a urinal. Curiosity and the several Guinness get the better of the Paddy...
Paddy: Scuse me sir... no offence meant, but me and me mate Shamus were wondering what you do for a living?
Suit: No offence taken! I'm a Logical Scientist by profession! Paddy: Oh! What's dat den? Suit: I'll try to explain by example... Do you have a goldfish at home? Paddy: Er .. mmm... well yeah, I do as it more...

Once there was a beautiful woman who loved to work in her vegetable garden, but no matter what she did, she couldn't get her tomatoes to ripen.Admiring her neighbor's garden, which had beautiful bright red tomatoes, she went one day and inquired of him his secret."It's really quite simple," the old man explained. "Twice each day, once in the morning and once in the evening, I expose myself in front of the tomatoes and they turn red with embarrassment."Desperate for the perfect garden, she tried his advice and proceeded to expose herself to her plants twice daily.Two weeks passed and her neighbor stopped by to check her progress."So," he asked, "any luck with your tomatoes?""No," she replied excitedly, "but you should see the size of my cucumbers!"

>>>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>>> In the Garden of Eden,
>>>>>>>>>>> As everyone knows,
>>>>>>>>>>> Lives Adam and Eve,
>>>>>>>>>>> Without any clothes.
>>>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>>> In this garden,
>>>>>>>>>>> Were two little leaves,
>>>>>>>>>>> One covered Adam's,
>>>>>>>>>>> One covered Eve's.
>>>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>>> As the story goes on,
>>>>>>>>>>> Never the less to say,
>>>>>>>>>>> The wind came along,
>>>>>>>>>>> And blew the leaves away.
>>>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>>> At the sight,
>>>>>>>>>>> Adam did stare,
>>>>>>>>>>> There was Eve's treasure,
>>>>>>>>>>> All covered with hair.
>>>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>>> And wonder came,
>>>>>>>>>>> Under Eve's eyes,
>>>>>>>>>>> As Adam's thing,
>>>>>>>>>>> Started to rise.
>>>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>>> They found a spot,
>>>>>>>>>>> That suited them best,
>>>>>>>>>>> A nice big tree,
>>>>>>>>>>> Where they began to more...

Knock Knock!
Who's there?
Garden.
Garden who?
Garden the treasure.

One day in the Garden of Eden, Eve calls out to God, "Lord, I have a problem!"
"What's the problem, Eve?"
"Lord, I know you've created me and have provided this beautiful garden and all of these wonderful animals, and that hilarious comedic snake, but I'm just not happy."
"Why is that, Eve?" came the reply from above.
"Lord, I am lonely. And I'm sick to death of apples."
"Well, Eve, in that case, I have a solution. I shall create a man for you."
"What's a' man,' Lord?"
"This man will be a flawed creature, with many bad traits. He'll lie, cheat, and be vainglorious; all in all, he'll give you a hard time. But, he'll be bigger, faster, and will like to hunt and kill things. He will provide you with companionship and satisfy
your desires. Yet, he'll be witless and will revel in childish things like fighting and kicking a ball about. He won't be too smart, so he'll also need more...

There was once a Scotsman and an Englishman who lived next door to each other. The Scotsman owned a hen and each morning would look in his garden and pick up one of his hen's eggs for breakfast.

One day he looked outside and saw that the hen had laid an egg in the Englishman's garden. He was about to go next door when he saw the Englishman pick up the egg. The Scotsman ran up to the Englishman and told him that the egg belonged to him because he owned the hen. The Englishman disagreed because the egg was laid on his property.

They argued for a while until finally the Scotsman said, "In my family we normally solve disputes by the following actions: I punch you in the nose and note how long it takes you to recover, then you punch me in the nose and note how long it takes for me to recover, whomever recovers quicker wins the egg."

The Englishman agreed to this and so the Scotsman held the heaviest object he could find, took a few steps back, more...