Gas Jokes / Recent Jokes
A Sardar walked into a gas station and said to the manager, "I locked my keys in my car. Do you have a coat hanger or something I can stick through the window to unlock the door?"
"Why sure," said the manager, "we have something that works especially well for that."
A couple minutes later, the manager walked outside to see how the sardar was doing and he heard another voice. "No, no! A little to the left," said the other sardar inside the car.
"Sister Ann, aren't you putting on a little weight?" inquired Father Dan during his visit to the convent, suspiciously eyeing her bulging stomach. "Why, no Father," answered the nun demurely, "It's just a little gas." A few months later Father Dan put the same question to the nun noticing her habit barely fit across her belly. "Oh, just a bit of gas," said sister Ann, blushing a bit. On his next visit Father Dan was walking down the corridor when he passed Sister Ann wheeling a baby carriage. Looking in, the priest observed, "Cute little Fart!"
A man goes to the dentist to have a tooth pulled. The dentist takes out a needle to give the man a shot of Novacain.
"No way, No needles, I can't stand needles"
The dentist starts to hook up the laughing gas but the man again objects.
"No gas, please the mask on my face is suffocating to me"
The dentist then asks if the man has any objection to taking a pill.
"No" said the patient "I'm fine with pills"
The dentist then returns and says "Here's a Viagra tablet"
The patient says "Wow, I didn't know Viagra worked as a pain pill"
"It doesn't" said the dentist "but it will give you something to hold on to when I pull out your tooth"
A gas station in Tupelo Mississippi was trying to increase its sales, so the owner put up a sign saying, "Win Free Sex with Fill-Up." Soon a local redneck pulled in, filled his tank, and then asked for his free sex. The owner told him to pick a number from 1 to 10. If he guessed correctly, he would get his free sex. The redneck then guessed 8, and the proprietor said, "You were close. The number was 7. Sorry, no sex this time."
A week later, the same redneck, along with a buddy, Bubba, pulled in for a fill-up. Again he asked for his free sex. The proprietor again gave him the same story, and asked him to guess the correct number. The redneck guessed 2 this time. Again the proprietor said, "Sorry, it was 3. You were close, but no free sex this time."
As they were driving away, the redneck said to his buddy, "I think that game is rigged and he doesn't really give away free sex."Bubba replied, "No it ain't, Billy Ray. It ain't rigged more...
This Poor Innocent Guy lives in Westchester, NY and goes to school at Ithaca College. For two years, he has wanted to ask a certain girl (who is also from Westchester and also goes to Ithaca) out on a date, but has never had the courage.
Finally, one day over the summer, he sees her at home and musters up the courage to ask her out. She accepts, and they make dinner plans for Saturday night. Friday night, this guy goes out with all of his buddies, and drinks like prohibition is coming back. Saturday, he is in such bad shape that he can't make it through twenty minutes without either throwing up or using the bathroom. After several hours of this, he is able to stop throwing up, but he is still running to the toilet every 20 minutes. He doesn't want to cancel the date, because he's afraid he won't ever talk to her again. So they meet in Westchester, and take the train to New York City (about a 30-minute ride). They get to the restaurant, and he excuses himself during the more...
A man traveling in southern Indiana was headed for the Kentucky border. .. when he saw a large sign which read:
"LAST CHANCE FOR $2. 50 GAS!!!"
He still had more than a quarter of a tank left, but figured he'd better take advantage of this opportunity to fill-up his tank. As he was getting his change from the attendant, he asked, "How much is gas in Kentucky?"
The attendant replied, "$2. 40 ".
A man is driving down the freeway when he sees a sign thatsays; "Get gas and free sex here". So obviously the guy wasinterested, so he stopped, filled up went inside to pay."Pick a number from 1 - 10 to get free sex." said the cashier. "Uh, okay, 3!" the man replied."Nope! Sorry play again". So the guy drove around for weeks always getting gas at thesame place, because he wanted his free sex. One day he wasreally ticked:"This has got to be rigged! I have never gotten the number tohave free sex!" He screamed."Oh no! It's not rigged, just ask your wife, she won 3 timeslast week alone!"