Gate Jokes / Recent Jokes

After being nearly snowbound for two weeks last winter, a Seattle man departed for his vacation in Miami Beach, where he was to meet his wife the next day at the conclusion of her business trip to Minneapolis. They were looking forward to pleasant weather and a nice time together.
Unfortunately, there was some sort of mix up at the boarding gate, and the man was told he would have to wait for a later flight. He tried to appeal to a supervisor but was told the airline was not responsible for the problem and it would do no good to complain.
Upon arrival at the hotel the next day, he discovered that Miami Beach was having a heat wave, and its weather was almost as uncomfortably hot as Seattle's was cold. The desk clerk gave him a message that his wife would arrive as planned. He could hardly wait to get to the pool area to cool off, and quickly sent his wife an e-mail.
But due to his haste, he made an error in the e-mail address. His message therefore arrived at the home more...

After a long, bumpy flight, our passengers were glad to finally land. They disembarked, and the other attendants and I checked for items left behind. In a seat pocket, I found a bag of homemade cookies with a note saying "Much love, Mom."

Quickly, I gave the bag to our gate agent in hopes it would be reunited with its owner. In few minutes, this announcement came over the public-address system in the concourse;

"Would the passenger who lost his cookies on Flight 502, please return to the gate?"

For all of you out there who've had to deal with an irate customer, this oneis for you. It's a classic! In tribute to those 'special' customers we alllove! An award should go to the United Airlines gate agent in Denver for beingsmart and funny, and making her point, when confronted with a passenger whoprobably deserved to fly as cargo. A crowded United flight was canceled. Asingle agent was rebooking a long line of inconvenienced travelers. Suddenly an angry passenger pushed his way to the desk. He slapped his ticketdown on the counter and said, "I HAVE to be on this flight and it has to beFIRST CLASS." The agent replied, "I'm sorry sir. I'll be happy to try to helpyou, but I've got to help these folks first, and I'm sure we'll be able towork something out." The passenger was unimpressed. He asked loudly, so thatthe passengers behind him could hear, "Do you have any idea who I am?" Without hesitating, the gate agent smiled and grabbed her public more...

One day, a teacher, a garbage collector, and a lawyer all die and go to Heaven. St. Peter's there, and when they get to the gate, St. Peter informs them that there will be a test to get into Heaven: they each have to answer one question.
To the teacher, he says, "What was the name of the ship that crashed into the Iceberg and sunk with all its passengers?"
The teacher thinks for a sec, and then replies, "That would have been the Titanic, right?".
St. Peter lets him through the gate. St. Peter turns to the Garbage man, and, figuring that Heaven doesn't REALLY need all the stink that this guy would bring into heaven, decides to make the question a little harder: "How many people died on the ship?"
The garbage man guesses: "1228"
"That happens to be right; go ahead." St. Peter turns to the Lawyer: "Name them."

One day, a teacher, a garbage collector, and a lawyer all died and went to Heaven.
St. Peter was having a
bad day since heaven was getting crowded. When they got to the gate, St. Peter informed them that there would be a test to get into Heaven and each will have to answer a single question.
To the teacher, he said, "What was the name of the ship that crashed into the Iceberg and sunk with almost all of its passengers?"
The teacher thought for a second, and replied: "That would have been the Titanic, right?". And St. Peter let him through the gate.
St. Peter turned to the Garbage man, and, figuring that Heaven didn't REALLY need all the stink that this guy would bring into heaven, uncharitably decided to make the question a little harder: "How many people died on the ship?"
The garbage man guessed. "1228".
"That happens to be correct, go ahead."
St. Peter turned to the Lawyer: "Name them."

The gate breaks down between heaven and hell. St. Peter comes to examine the damage, and then he calls the devil.' That darn gate broke again,' he says.' It's your turn to fix it.'

'Forget it,' says the devil.' My people are too busy.'

'But we had a deal,' says St. Peter,' and if you don't honor it, I'll have to sue you for breach of contract.'

The devil laughs.' Sure you will. And just where do you expect to find a lawyer?'

Standing at the pearly gates of heaven, Albert noticed pointing to two paths. One was marked "Women" and the other marked "Men". He took the path assigned to men and then came upon two more gates. The right-hand gate had a sign that read "Men Who Were Dominated By Their Spouses"; the other gate read "Men Who Were Boss And Dominated Their Spouses". The first gate had an endless line of guys waiting, but only one little guy stood before the male domination gate. Albert was undecided, so he walked up to the little guy standing all alone and asked, "Why are you standing at this gate, a little punk like you?" The smallish fellow replied, "I haven't a clue. My wife told me to stand here."