Generals Jokes / Recent Jokes
The Pentagon recently discovered it had too many generals and offered an early retirement bonus. They promised any general who retired straight away his full annual benefits plus $10,000 for every inch measured in a straight line between any two points on the general's body, with the general getting to select any pair of points he wished.
The first man, an Air Force general, accepted. He asked the pension man to measure from the top of his head to the tip of his toes. Six feet. He walked out with a check of $720,000.
The second man, an Army general, asked them to measure from the tip of his outstretched hands to his toes. Eight feet. He walked out with a cheque for $960,000.
When the third general, a grizzled old Marine, was asked where to measure, he told the pension man: "From the tip of my penis to the bottom of my testicles."
The pension man suggested that perhaps the Marine general might like to reconsider, pointing out the nice cheques the previous two more...
Three Generals got pensioned at the same time and they had a farewell party in NY. As a farewell present the men had got a sponsor to sponsor money for the Generals.
The idea was: “Give two points on your body, we will measure the difference between thw points and for every foot you will get 1000 USD”.
The Air force General “The top of my head and the botton of my feet” This was measured 6 feet 2? and he got 6000USD.
The Navy General streched his hand to the left and his foot to the right said “My left forefinger and my right big toe”. The distance was 8 feet and he got 8000 USD.
The Infanatry General: “From my nose to my dick! ” Everyone was astonished but he said “masure. ” The guy with the measuring tape: “But were is your Dick?? ”
General “In Viet-Nam! ”
Q: How many (Generals/Politicians) does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None, they can all see by the light at the end of the tunnel.
Q: How many Communists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Two--one to screw it in, and a second to hand out leaflets.
Q: How many Communists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: One, but it takes him about 30 years to realize that the old one has burnt out.
Q: How many Marxists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: None, the seeds of revolution and change are within the lightbulb itself.
Q: How many (Generals/Politicians) does it take to change a light bulb?
A: 1, 000, 001: One to change the bulb and 1, 000, 000 to rebuild civilization to the point where they need light bulbs again.
Q: How many British navy Officers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Only one, but it takes him seven weeks to get there.
Note: topical to the Falkland Islands war.
Q: How many Chinese Red Guards does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: 10, 000 - to give the bulb a cultural more...
Q: How many (Generals/Politicians) does it take to change a light bulb?
A: 1,000,001: One to change the bulb and 1,000,000 to rebuild civilization to the point where they need light bulbs again.