Genies and Wishes Jokes / Recent Jokes

Walking along the beach, John tripped over a half-buried kerosene lantern. He rubbed its side and sure enough, a Genie materialized.

"I can't grant your wishes," explained the freed spirit, "Due to poor connectivity with the seventh dimension. But I'll give you three off-the-shelf gifts for releasing me: a potion to cure ill health, a very large diamond, and a dinner date with a famous movie star. By tomorrow afternoon, you will have received all these gifts."

When John returned home from work the next evening, he excitedly asked his mother if anything had been delivered.

"Yes," she replied. "It's been an unusual day. At 2 pm, a 55 gallon drum of chicken soup arrived. About a half-hour later, a telegram came saying that a long-lost relative had left you a minor-league baseball stadium. Ten minutes ago, MGM called, inviting you to dinner with Lassie tonight."

There was a girl looking at old stuff in her attic when she found a bottle. She pulled out the cork and out came a genie.

"Since you freed me from this bottle, I will grant you one wish," said the genie.

"I wish that I could be irresistible to boys," said the girl. .. and POW! The girl turned into a brand new remote control car.

Following a moment of inattention by the Captain, a ship sank in the middle of the ocean. Two guys managed to inflate a rubber life raft and grab a box of provisions before the ship slipped gently below the surface. After floating under blazing heat for six days they ran out of food and water.

On the tenth day, bleary eyed and half dead from heat, thirst and starvation, they spotted a small object floating toward them in the water. As it drew near, they were ecstatic to find that it was an oil lamp (Oil Lamp, Brass, One. Genies for the use of). They grabbed the lamp and rubbed it. Out popped a tired old genie.

"OK, so you freed me from this stupid lamp, yadda, yadda, yadda. But hey, I've been doing this three wishes stuff for a long time now and quite frankly, I'm burned out. You guys get only ONE wish and then I'm OUTTA here. Make it a good one".

The first guy, without hesitation or thought blurted out, "Give us all the beer we can more...

A guy was walking along the beach in Malibu when he came across this
salt encrusted piece of metal. He scratched away at it to remove
the salt, to reveal a very old oil lamp. With an embarassed look around him, the guy gives it a quick rub. .. a Genie appeared.

This genie, like all genies, was so happy to be freed of the lamp
that he granted the guy three wishes.

"I wish to be a dollar richer than Bill Gates," says the guy.

"You will forever be a dollar richer than Bill Gates. What's your second wish?"

"Genie, I want the most expensive Porsche made: Fire engine red, on
board GPS and the finest audio system ever installed in an
automobile."

The genie waved his hand and the requested Egomobile appeared.

But what about the third wish. ... "Genie," the guy said, "I can't think of anything now. May I save the third wish for more...

A man was walking along the beach at Malibu when he found an old glass bottle. He could see something inside, but the glass was dark green and scratched. .. so he opened it.

A Genie appeared and thanked the man for letting him out. The Genie said, "For your kindness I will grant you one wish, but only one."

The man thought for a minute and said, "I have always wanted to go to Hawaii, but have never been able to because I'm afraid of flying and ships make me claustrophobic and ill. So, I wish for a bridge to be built from here to Hawaii."

The Genie thought for a few minutes and said, "No, I don't think I can do that. Just think of all the work involved with the pilings needed to hold up the highway and how deep they would have to be to reach the bottom of the ocean. Think of all the concrete that would be needed, not to mention the surfacing, drainage systems, lighting. .. No, that is too much to ask."

The man more...

Poland, in the days before democracy settled down, went through times as bad as anywhere in Europe. After centuries of occupation by so many nations, being free from the Russian yoke was a weird experience; Poland emerged blinking into the bright lights of democracy and freedom.

Of course it was not like that at all; Poles knew what freedom was, and took to it like children in a sweet shop. But there were problems, and the shortages did not disappear overnight. .. So when his last light bulb burned out, Old Stefan knew he'd have to stand in line for two hours at the store (and there would probably be none left by the time he got to the front of the queue). So he went up into his attic and started rummaging around for an old oil lamp he vaguely remembered from decades ago.

He found the old brass lamp in a corner, stained with grime of ages. He started to polish it and a Genie appeared in cloud of smoke.

"Hello, Mortal!" said the Genie, more...

Jim was strolling down the street in Chicago where he came across an old lamp. He picked it up, rubbed it vigorously, and out popped a genie. The genie offered to grant him one wish, to which the guy replied, "I've always wanted to be lucky." The genie granted his wish.

So off the guy strolled, wondering how this would change his life, when he saw ten dollars on the sidewalk. Not a bad start, he thought. As he picked it up, he noticed a betting shop across the road. He strolled over, looked through the racing lists, and saw a horse named Lucky Lad at 100/1 in the 4th at the Meadowlands.

He put the 10 dollars on the horse to win, and as luck would have it, the horse bolted in. Feeling on a bit of a roll, he headed to the local illegal casino, went up to the roulette table and put the entire $1010 on "Lucky seven!" Round and round the wheel spun. .. and. .. Lucky Seven. Now his head was spinning. It was all too much to take in. He decided to more...