Genies and Wishes Jokes

Variation on a theme

A woman was walking along the beach when she stumbled upon a bottle. She picked it up and rubbed it, and lo-and-behold a Genie appeared.

The amazed woman asked if she got three wishes. The Genie said "Nope, sorry three-wish genies are a story-tale myth. I'm a one-wish genie. So... what'll it be?"

The woman didn't hesitate. She said "I want peace in the Middle East. See this map? I want these countries to stop fighting with each other and I want all the Arabs to love Jews and Americans and vice-versa. It will bring about world peace and harmony."

The Genie looked at the map and exclaimed "Lady, be reasonable. These countries have been at war for thousands of years. I'm out of shape after being in a bottle for five hundred years. I'm good but not THAT good! Don't think it can be done. Make another wish and please make it a bit more
reasonable."

The woman thought for a minute more...

A man wandered into a bar one day. He had the world around his neck, and he was looking to crawl into a whisky bottle and stay there. After a couple of doubles, he slowed down a little, and looked up. He had half heard the piano playing, but had not realised who was playing it...

There, on a table, was a tiny piano, with a tiny piano player to match; no more than a foot tall. Forgetting his own problems, he wandered over and stood spellbound until the music stopped. Then, shaking his head in disbelief, he returned to the bar and called the barman

"Hey, where did you get that piano player?" he asked, and got back a poisoned glare.

"Aw, c'mon, there has to be a story here.."

"There is," says the barman "and I'm sick of telling it. I was down on the beach one day, and I shuffled into the sand to get more comfortable. Place was full of rubbish and I turned up this old brass lamp. I rubbed it, thinking there more...

Walking along the beach, John tripped over a half-buried kerosene lantern. He rubbed its side and sure enough, a Genie materialized.

"I can't grant your wishes," explained the freed spirit, "Due to poor connectivity with the seventh dimension. But I'll give you three off-the-shelf gifts for releasing me: a potion to cure ill health, a very large diamond, and a dinner date with a famous movie star. By tomorrow afternoon, you will have received all these gifts."

When John returned home from work the next evening, he excitedly asked his mother if anything had been delivered.

"Yes," she replied. "It's been an unusual day. At 2 pm, a 55 gallon drum of chicken soup arrived. About a half-hour later, a telegram came saying that a long-lost relative had left you a minor-league baseball stadium. Ten minutes ago, MGM called, inviting you to dinner with Lassie tonight."

There was a girl looking at old stuff in her attic when she found a bottle. She pulled out the cork and out came a genie.

"Since you freed me from this bottle, I will grant you one wish," said the genie.

"I wish that I could be irresistible to boys," said the girl. .. and POW! The girl turned into a brand new remote control car.

A couple had been married for 25 years and was celebrating the husband's 60th birthday. During the party, a fairy appeared and said that because they had been such a loving couple all those years, she would give them one wish each. The wife said, "We've been so poor all these years, and I've never gotten to see the world. I wish we could travel all over the world." The fairy waved her wand and POOF! She had the tickets in her hand.

Next, it was the husband's turn. He paused for a moment, and then said, "Well, I'd like to be married to a woman 30 years younger than me."

The fairy waved her wand and POOF! He was 90.