Germany Jokes / Recent Jokes

By Randy Jeffries/Weekly World News (January 23, 1996)
Bocholt, Germany - A band musician died of a brain injury when the trombonist behind him jerked the slide of his trombone forward and struck the trumpeter in the back of the head!
Police say the tragedy occurred as the Gratzfeld College band was rehearsing the spirited American jazz classic, When the Saints Go Marching In.
According to other band members, trombonist Peter Niemeyer, 19, "got carried away" with the music. He started gyrating and thrashing around as he played.
At one point, he jerked forward and the rounded metal slide on his instrument hit trumpet player Dolph Mohr, 20, dropping him instantly to the floor.
"Niemeyer was pumping the slide very hard," said medical examiner Dr. Max Krause. "But it wasn't just the force of the blow that killed Mohr.
"The slide struck him in the worst possible place - the vulnerable spot just behind and below the left ear. "Bone more...

'Beauty and der Beast' and similar kinds of texts, where English is enriched by German words and morphemes (the elements of words), are obviously funny to native English speakers.
Here is what Germans (provided they know a little English) find funny - do you? The basic rule when writing such a text is to translate morpheme by morpheme, keeping the wordorder.
A reader's letter about Munich
THE FREEBODY-CULTURE
Very honored Mr. Chief-Editor,
I have the outeachothersetting in the Southgerman Paper about the English-teaching in Germany followed and I want now my mustard to it give. To make it short, it hangs me to the throat out, and therefore want I say something about your wonderful city. Mainthingly, find I Munich traffic-politically unreached. I sat myself in New York in the greatroom-flystuff, and eight hours later am I in your gemoodly flyport Riem. Then went it in only 15 minutes and the faststreet to the Maryplace, where I with many with-humans the Bellgame on more...

A man was having an affair. The woman involved
suddenly announced that
she had become pregnant. Not wanting his wife to find
out, he gave her
a large amount of money and asked her to go out of the
country, to
Germany to stay with friends, to wait out the
pregnancy and have the
baby.
"But how will you know when our baby is born?" she
asked.
"Well", he said, "After you've had the baby, just send
me a postcard
and write' sauerkraut' on the back".
Not knowing what else to do, she took the money and
went off to
Germany.
Six months went by and then one day the man's wife
called him at his
office. "Dear, you received a very strange postcard
in the mail
today", she explained. "I don't understand what it
means!"
"Just wait till I get home and I'll read it," he
replied.
Later that evening, the man read his more...

What do they call condoms in Germany? Weinerhosen

A Maintenance Battalion in Germany had just received a brand new Executive Officer, an Armor Major. The Major proceeded to issue new SOP directives (Standard Operating Procedures) that WOULD be followed under all circumstances. One of these directives was that NO ONE over the rank of Staff Sergeant would drive their own vehicle, that was what the lower enlisted were for. One morning, the Master Sergeant in charge of the S-2 shop of the battalion had an intel report that was due at Division Headquarters within the hour, and his clerk, a PFC, was off that morning because of duty the night before. The Sergeant felt that he had no choice, the report HAD to get to Division; so he got into his Jeep and started to Division Headquarters. As he got to the gate, the XO stopped him. In a very sarcastic voice he said, "Aren't we paying our drivers a lot these days?" The NCO, without missing a beat re plied, "Not at all, Sir, when you consider what we are paying gate guards."