Ghost Jokes / Recent Jokes
One night, Bill Clinton was awakened by George Washington's ghost in the White House. Clinton saw him and asked -"George, what is the best thing I could do to help the country?" "Set an honest and honorable example, just as I did," advised George. The next night, the ghost of Thomas Jefferson moved through the dark bedroom." Tom, what is the best thing I could do to help the country?" Clinton asked." Cut taxes and reduce the size of government," advised Tom. Clinton didn't sleep well the next night, and saw another figure moving in the shadows. It was Abraham Lincoln's ghost." Abe, what is the best thing I could do to help the country?" Clinton asked. And Abe replied..."Go to the theater!"
Two drunks staggering home one night and one decides to take a shortcut through the cemetery. Half way through an apparition appears. "What's that on your back?" the ghost asks.
"It's a hump" says the drunk The ghost puts his hand on the drunk's back and the hump disappears.
He races home and next night at the pub he tells his mate all about it. His mate is amazed and says he is going through the cemetery that night as he has a wooden leg and wants a proper leg. Again half way through the cemetery a ghost appears... "What's wrong with your leg?" he asks.
"It's a wooden leg," says the drunk.
"Have you got a Hump?" asks the ghost.
"No" replies the drunk. So the ghost puts his hand on the drunk's back and says, "Here, you can have this one."
An extremely modest man was in the hospital for a series of tests, the last of which had left his system upset. Upon making several false-alarm trips to the bathroom he decided the latest was another and stayed put. He suddenly filled his bed with diarrhea and was embarrassed beyond his ability to remain rational.
Losing his presence of mind, he jumped up, gathered up the bed sheets, and threw them out the hospital window. A drunk was walking by the hospital when the sheets landed on him. He started yelling, cursing, and swinging his arms wildly, which left the soiled sheets in a tangled pile at his feet.
As the drunk stood there staring down at the sheets, a security guard who had watched the whole incident walked up and asked, "What the hell happened?" Still staring down, the drunk replied: "I think I just beat the shit out of a ghost!
A ghost joke
What do ghosts have in the seats of their cars?
Sheet belts!
A ghost joke
What kind of girl does a mummy take on a date?
Any old girl he can dig up!
A cannibal joke
Why did the Scottish cannibal live on a sugar plantation?
He said ”So that I can feed my lads with m’lasses!
A cannibal joke
Why would the cannibal only eat babies?
He was on a diet!
A ghost joke
Where do ghosts go on holiday?
The Ghosta Brava!
A vampire joke
Why wouldn’t the vampire eat his soup?
It clotted!
A skeleton joke
Why did the skeleton run up a tree?
Because a dog was after his bones!
How did the ghost song-and-dance act make a living? By appearing in television spooktaculars.
What did one ghost say to another? Im sorry, but I just dont believe in people.