Gimme Jokes / Recent Jokes

A guy walks into a pharmacy and says to the pharmacist, "Listen, I have three girls coming over tonight. I've never had three girls at once. I need something to keep me horny.. keep me potent."
The pharmacist reaches under the counter, unlocks the bottom drawer and takes out a small cardboard box marked with a label **Viagra Extra Strength** and says, "Here, if you eat this, you'll go nuts for twelve hours."
The guy says, "Gimme three boxes."
The next day, the guy walks into the same pharmacy, limps up to the pharmacist and pulls down his pants. The pharmacist looks in horror as he notices the man's penis is black and blue, and skin is hanging off in some places.
In a pained voice, the man moans out, "Gimme a bottle of Deep Heat."
The pharmacist replies in horror, "You can't put Deep Heat on that!"
The man replies, "No, it's for my arms, the girls didn't show up."

A guy goes into a bar and says, “Quick, gimme a beer before the trouble starts! ” The barman looks around the sleepy bar, shrugs and hands the guy a bottle of beer.
The guy drinks it fast. “Quick! gimme another beer before the trouble starts! ”
The barman looks at the guy oddly but hands another beer to the guy.
The guy drinks it fast. “Quick another beer before the trouble starts! ”
The barman hands him another beer, with a frown on his face, but hands it over reluctantly.
Again, the guy drinks it fast. “Quick another beer before the trouble starts! ”
The barman replies, “Look pal, exactly what trouble are you talking about? ”
“I haven’t got any money! ”

A drunk goes into a bar. He is very, very drunk - can hardly stand up. He slurs his way up to the bar and says:
"Hey, bartender! Gimme a martini!"
"No, no," says the bartender. "You've had too much already."
The drunk spies a dart board behind the bar.
"Tell you what," he says. "If I can throw three bull's eyes with that dart set would you let me have the drink?"
"Sure," says the bartender, thinking the guy would leave after the little game. He hands the drunk three darts. "Look out, everybody!"
Zot, zot, zot. The drunk throws three quick bull's eyes.
Well, the bartender had never seen anything like that before, but he has to make good on the wager, so he makes a martini and sets it before the drunk. He then puts a napkin next to the drink and sets a turtle on it.
"What's this," says the drunk.
"That's a prize for such fine dart throwing," says the more...

A brunette walks into a bar and says, "Gimme an M L." The bartender says, "Whats an M L?" The brunette says, "A Miller Light." Another brunette walks in and says, "Gimme a B L" The bartender says, "Whats a B L?" She says, "Bud Light." A dumb blonde walks in and says, "Gimme a 15." The bartender says, "Whats a fifteen?" The blonde says, "7&7, duh!"

Crazy Mike walks into the pharmacy and says to the pharmacist, "Look, I've got three girls coming over tonight. I've never had three girls at once, so what have you got to keep me horny and potent all night?"

The pharmacist reaches down, unlocks a bottom drawer and brings up a box labeled' Viagra Extra Strength' containing single wrapped packets. He says, "Take one of these and you'll go crazy for 12 hours."

Crazy Mike replies, "Hell, gimme three"

The next day Mike returns to the same pharmacist, who smiles and asks, "Well, how'd it go?" In answer, Mike pulls down his pants, to display his penis that's black and blue and blistered, one of the sorriest sights the pharmacist had ever seen.

Crazy Mike says, "Gimme a tube of Ben Gay."

The pharmacist replies in horror. "You're not going to put Ben Gay on that are you?"

Mike replies, "Hell, no, it's for my arms. more...

"Gimme a double whiskey!" the little boy yelled to the barmaid as he entered the saloon.
"Do you want to get me in trouble?" she asked.
The lad replied: "Maybe later- but right now, I just want a drink."

A small balding man storms into a local bar and demands, "Gimme a double of the strongest whiskey you got. I'm so mad, I can't even see straight."

The bartender, noticing that the little man is a bit the worse for wear, pours him a double of Southern Comfort.

The man swills down the drink and says, "Gimme another one."

The bartender pours the drink, but says, "Now, before I give you this, why don't you let off a little steam and tell me why you're so upset?"

So, the man begins his tale. "Well, I was sitting in the bar next door, when this gorgeous blonde slinks in and actually sits beside me at the bar. I thought, "Wow, this has never happened before." You know, it was kind of a fantasy come true. Well, a couple of minutes later, the blonde leans over and asks if I'd like to come back to her hotel to have dinner and talk for a while. I couldn't believe this was happening, and I hadn't had a good more...