Girlfriend Jokes / Recent Jokes

A blonde was driving home one night and got caught in the middle of a real bad hail storm. With hailstones as big as golf balls, her car got dented up pretty badly.
The next day, she took it to a body shop. The owner, noticing that she was blonde, decided to have some fun and told her she could save some money if, when she got home she would blow real hard in the tailpipe, and the dents would pop out.
When she got home, she started blowing into the tailpipe and her blonde girlfriend saw her. Her friend was startled and asked, “What are you doing? ” So the first girl told her friend what the body shop guy had told her to do.
Her girlfriend says, “You dumb blonde! You need to roll up the windows first. ”

I think my girlfriend has had sixty-one boyfriends before me. She calls me her sixty second lover.

Joe has a problem, so he goes to his doctor. "Doctor, I don't seem to be able to get an erection. Can you help me?"
After a thorough examination, the doctor says, "The problem you're having is because the muscles at the base of your penis are damaged. There's really nothing I can do for you, unless you're willing to try an experimental treatment. What we would do is take the muscles from a baby elephant's trunk and implant them in your penis."
Joe thinks about it for a few minutes, then says, "Well, since I can't imagine going through life without ever having sex again, let's go fot it."
A few weeks after the surgery, the doctor gives Joe the green light to use his improved equipment. Excited, he plans a romantic evening with his girlfriend and takes her to one of the best restaurants in the city.
In the middle of dinner, Joe feels a stirring between his legs that continues to the point of being uncomfortable. Hoping to release the more...

Q: What's the difference between a girlfriend and a wife?
A: 45 kg.

How can you tell when your girlfriend is too fat?
When she sits on your face and you can't hear the stereo.

A guy went to a psychiatrist because he was having severe problems with his sex life. The psychiatrist asked him a lot of questions, but he couldn't get a clear picture of the problems. Finally he asked, "Do you ever watch your girlfriend's face while you're having sex?"
"Well, yes, I did once."
"Well, how did she look?"
"Oh boy, she looked very angry!"
At this point the psychiatrist felt that he was really getting somewhere. "Well that's very interesting, we must look into this further. Now tell me, you say that you have only seen your girlfriend's face once during sex. That seems somewhat unusual. How did it occur that you saw her face that time?"
"She was watching us through the window."

If you see a message on the boards with a subject line of "BADTIMES", delete it immediately WITHOUT reading it.
This is the most dangerous virus yet. It will re-write your hard drive. Not only that, but it will scramble any disks that are even close to your computer (20' range at 72 Fahrenheit). It will recalibrate your refrigerator's coolness setting so all your ice cream melts and milk curdles. It will demagnetize the strips on all your credit cards, reprogram your ATM access code, screw up the tracking on your VCR and use subspace field harmonics to scratch any CDs you try to play. It will give your ex-boy/girlfriend your new phone number. It will program your phone autodial to call only your mother's number. It will mix antifreeze into your fish tank. It will drink all your beer and leave its dirty socks on the coffee table when there's company coming over. It will hide your car keys when you are late for work and interfere with your car radio so that you hear more...