Girlfriend Jokes / Recent Jokes

Joe is a lively 75 year old widower. He is also very rich. One day, he turns up at the to meet some of his friends and he has a gorgeous young redhead on his arm. She has sex appeal in plenty and listens to Joe's every word with great attention. All his friends think she is as sexy a lady as they have seen for years.
When she excuses herself to go to the ladies, Joe's friends rush over to him. "Joe, how did you manage to get such a lovely girlfriend?" they ask.
"Girlfriend?" says Joe looking upset, "what do you mean girlfriend? She is my wife."
They were shocked.
"So how did you persuade her to marry you?"
"I lied about my age," Joe replies.
"Don't tell us that you told she that you were only 50?"
"Of course not," smiles Joe, "I told her I was 90."

A little girl and her mother were out and about.
Out of the blue, the girl asked her mother, "Mommy, How old are you?"
The mother responded, "Honey, women don't talk about their age. You'll learn this as you get older."
The girl then asked, "Mommy, how much do you weigh?"
Her mother responded again, "That's another thing women don't talk about. You'll learn this, too, as you grow up."
The girl, still wanting to know about her mother, then fired off another question, "Mommy, why did you and Daddy get a divorce?"
The mother, a little annoyed by the questions, responded, "Honey, that is a subject that hurts me very much, and I don't want to talk about it now."
The little girl, frustrated, sulked until she was dropped off at a friend's house to play. She consulted with her girlfriend about her and her mother's conversation.
The girlfriend said, "All you have to do is sneak a look at more...

A guy takes his blonde girlfriend to a football game. In the beggining of the game the teams flipped a quarter to see who would get the ball first. One of the teams got the ball. The game ended. The guy asked his blonde girlfriend if she liked the game. She replied with a yes and then said they were yelling get the quarterback the whole game though, I cant beleive what would have happened if it had been a dollar!

A man had been drinking at the bar for hours when he mentioned something about his girlfriend being out in the car. The bartender, concerned because it was so cold, went to check on her. When he looked inside the car, he saw the man's friend, Dave, and his girlfriend kissing one another. The bartender shook his head and walked back inside. He told the drunk that he thought it might be a good idea to check on his girlfriend. The fellow staggered outside to the car, saw his buddy and his girlfriend kissing, then walked back into the bar laughing. "What's so funny?" the bartender asked. "That stupid Dave!" the fellow chortled, "He's so drunk, he thinks he's me!"

Last year, my friend upgraded his GirlFriend 3. 1 to GirlFriendPlus1. 0 (marketing name: Fiancee1. 0).

Recently he upgraded Fiancee1. 0 to Wife1. 0, and it`s a memory hogger! It has taken all his space; and Wife1. 0 must be running before he can do anything. Although he didn`t ask for them, Wife1. 0 came with Plug-Ins such as MotherInLaw and BrotherInLaw. These too slow down the system and cause a slow drain on the resources and well-being of the computer.

Some features I`d like to see in the upcoming GirlFriend4. 0:

1. A "Don`t remind me again" button.

2. Minimize button.

3. Shutdown feature - An install shield feature so that Girlfriend4. 0 can be completely uninstalled if so desired (so you don`t lose cache and other objects).

I tried running Girlfriend 2. 0 with Girlfriend 1. 0 still installed; they tried using the same I/O port and conflicted. Then I tried to uninstall Girlfriend 1. 0, but it didn`t have more...

A guy decides to buy his new girlfriend a pair of gloves for Christmas-after all, they've only known each other for three weeks. Romantic, yet not too personal. Accompanied by her younger sister, he goes to the mall and buys a pair of white gloves. The sister picks up a pair of panties for herself. But during the wrapping, the clerk mixes up the parcels. The sister gets the gloves, the guy takes home a gift box containing the panties. Without checking, the guy rushes the suspect gift to his sweetie, after drafting this loving & helpful note...
"I chose these because I notice you are not in the habit of wearing any when we go out in the evening. If it had not been for your sister, I would have chosen the long ones with the buttons, but she wears the short ones that are easier to remove. These are a delicate shade, but the lady I bought them from showed me a pair she'd been wearing for the last three weeks and they were hardly soiled. I had her try yours on for me and she more...

My girlfriend told me to give her 12 inches and make ithurt!.................. So I Fucked her 3 times and then hit her with a baseball bat.