Goldfish Jokes / Recent Jokes

Two guys are sitting in a quiet, rundown bar, when a man, dressed very sharply in a dark suit and carrying a briefcase, walks in. The two guys are surprised to see such a man in their local bar.
"He looks like a lawyer to me," the first guy says.
"No, I'd say an accountant," his friend replies.
After bickering back and forth, the first man decides to go over to the sharply dressed stranger to settle the debate.
"Pardon me," he says, "but my friend and I were having a disagreement over there and were wondering if you could help. Tell me, are you a lawyer or an accountant?"
"I'm neither a lawyer nor an accountant," replies the stranger. "I'm actually a reasonable scientist."
"What the hell is a reasonable scientist?" cries the man.
"Well, allow me to give you a demonstration. Do you have any goldfish?" asks the stranger.
The man nods.
"Well then, if you have goldfish more...

Dec 25
My dearest darling Edward,
What a wonderful surprise has just greeted me! That sweet partridge, in that lovely little pear-tree; what an enchanting, romantic, poetic present! Bless you, and thank you.
Your deeply loving,
Emily
Dec. 26
Beloved Edward,
The two turtle-doves arrived this morning, and are cooing away in the pear-tree as I write. I'm so touched and grateful!
With undying love, as always,
Emily
Dec. 27
My darling Edward,
You do think of the most original presents! Who ever thought of sending anybody three French hens? Do they really come all the way from France? It's a pity we have no chicken coops, but I expect we'll find some. Anyway, thank-you so much; they're lovely.
Your devoted,
Emily
Dec. 28
Dearest Edward,
What a surprise! Four calling birds arrived this morning. They are very sweet, even if they do call rather loudly - they make telephoning almost impossible - but I expect more...

Two builders go into the pub after a hard day's work. They're sat drinking for a while when a very smartly dressed man walks in and orders a drink. The two began to speculate about what the man did for a living. "I'll bet he's an accountant." said the first builder.
"Looks more like a stockbroker to me." argued the second. They continued to debate the subject for a good while until eventually the first builder needed to use the toilet. On walking in, he saw the smartly dressed man standing at a urinal.
"Excuse me mate, but me and my friend have been arguing over what a smartly dressed fella like you does for a living?" the builder said to the man.
Smiling the man replied, "I'm a logical scientist."
"A what?" asked the builder.
"Let me explain" the man continued, "Do you have a goldfish at home?"
A bit puzzled, but intrigued the builder decided to play along, "Yes, I do as it more...

A blonde had some goldfish and she did not know how to feed them. So she called her brunette friend, and she showed her how. Once they were done feeding them, the blonde said, ''Now, what do I give them to drink?''

Q: Why do little girls carry goldfish in their pockets? A: To smell like big girls.

Little Nancy was in the backyard filling in a hole when her neighbour peered over the fence. Interested in what the girl was up to he asks, "What are you up to there Nancy?"
"My goldfish died," replied Nancy tearfully, without looking up, "and I've just buried him."
The neighbour was concerned, "That's an awfully big hole for a goldfish, isn't it?"
Nancy patted down the last heap of earth and then replied, "That's because he's inside your f****g cat!"

A blonde had some goldfish and she did not know how to feed them.
So she called her brunette friend, and she showed her how.
Once they were done feeding them, the blonde said,
”Now, what do I give them to drink? ”